I need to keep telling myself that....

I'm doing just fine. I'm adjusting well to my new apartment, even starting to like it a little. Kalamazoo isn't my ideal place to live, but it's not a horrible city and I'm not in a sketchy neighborhood. I feel relatively safe here and so far I haven't gotten lost. I'm able to find my classes and my IPPE just fine after being here one week. I've been to all of my classes once already and haven't quit or run out of the room crying - I take it as a good sign. I'm not failing anything. The class material is not impossible to understand, I just need to get used to the format in which they set everything up online. I'm going to be so much better at patient counseling and giving case presentations after this year. I just might develop those time management skills I've been lacking during college. Maybe. :o) I'll be more independent after this year than I ever have been, and will have more of the skills I need when I graduate and become a real adult - things like ordering cable & internet, paying rent, etc. And, even though it may not seem like it now, the best thing I think will happen to me this year is that it will really challenge my faith in God. I'm already learning to rely more on Him than ever, what with the daily mental breakdowns and crying sessions I've been having. But I obviously am good at worrying about nothing, and all of the petty things that upset me right now are nothing that God can't handle. I'm just going to calm myself down, breathe, and remember that there's nothing I can't do through Him. God loves me always and will help me with whatever I ask - study skills, relaxation, confidence, maturity, focus, positive thinking - everything is possible if I let Him into my heart and mind and put my life in His hands.

I think this may be the start of a brand new outlook for me. And my blogging will still be a way to calm myself down, but instead of writing out everything that's going wrong I will start writing about all of the things that are going right and about how God can help me get through this. So now, after organizing myself and sending up some prayers, it's time for me to get back to work! As Mom says, I'm going to "just do one more thing to make tomorrow easier." The best thing I can do is take it step by step and day by day. Ok...focus time!

♥ For I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength. ~Philippians 4:13

i hate it here

Maybe I'm just having a bad day, or maybe my depression is getting the best of me, but so far I'm hating it here in Kalamazoo. I'm beyond lonely and I absolutely can't wait until this year is over and I don't have to live here anymore. There's no point in leaving my apartment because there's nobody to go anywhere and do fun stuff with. So basically I'm in class all day and then I come home to study alone in my apartment. This place will never feel like home, especially with most of my friends at least 2 hours away and my family 3 hours away. They say home is where the heart is and my heart is in Midland and Big Rapids.

I'm also hating P3 year so far. I've had a full week of classes so I've kinda gotten the gist of what everything's going to be like (except tests because I haven't had one yet). There are so many presentations this year and it's really freaking me out. I'm terrible at speaking in front of people. There's also so many pre-class assignments and readings that I can't even keep track! I thought having a planner would help, but it doesn't help because I'm having so much trouble even finding assignments all throughout Ferris Connect. It's so confusing and I'm probably going to miss some deadlines this semester. My attention span also hasn't improved at all. Even as I write this I should be studying. That was the intention for today, but so far it's not going so well.

It's Labor Day weekend and I don't have class again until Tuesday afternoon. I should be having some fun, right? Wrong. I decided not to go home in order to force myself to get caught up on classwork and possibly even get ahead on a couple of things. I'm an idiot. I'm sitting here in my apartment alone, crying, writing a blog in an attempt to get it all out of my head.......this sucks so bad I can't even explain it.

That's my week in a nutshell - an "I hate my life" kind of week. If anyone figures out a way to switch lives with someone else, please let me know!