I'm doing just fine. I'm adjusting well to my new apartment, even starting to like it a little. Kalamazoo isn't my ideal place to live, but it's not a horrible city and I'm not in a sketchy neighborhood. I feel relatively safe here and so far I haven't gotten lost. I'm able to find my classes and my IPPE just fine after being here one week. I've been to all of my classes once already and haven't quit or run out of the room crying - I take it as a good sign. I'm not failing anything. The class material is not impossible to understand, I just need to get used to the format in which they set everything up online. I'm going to be so much better at patient counseling and giving case presentations after this year. I just might develop those time management skills I've been lacking during college. Maybe. :o) I'll be more independent after this year than I ever have been, and will have more of the skills I need when I graduate and become a real adult - things like ordering cable & internet, paying rent, etc. And, even though it may not seem like it now, the best thing I think will happen to me this year is that it will really challenge my faith in God. I'm already learning to rely more on Him than ever, what with the daily mental breakdowns and crying sessions I've been having. But I obviously am good at worrying about nothing, and all of the petty things that upset me right now are nothing that God can't handle. I'm just going to calm myself down, breathe, and remember that there's nothing I can't do through Him. God loves me always and will help me with whatever I ask - study skills, relaxation, confidence, maturity, focus, positive thinking - everything is possible if I let Him into my heart and mind and put my life in His hands.
I think this may be the start of a brand new outlook for me. And my blogging will still be a way to calm myself down, but instead of writing out everything that's going wrong I will start writing about all of the things that are going right and about how God can help me get through this. So now, after organizing myself and sending up some prayers, it's time for me to get back to work! As Mom says, I'm going to "just do one more thing to make tomorrow easier." The best thing I can do is take it step by step and day by day. Ok...focus time!
♥ For I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength. ~Philippians 4:13
Monday, September 7, 2009
Saturday, September 5, 2009
i hate it here
Maybe I'm just having a bad day, or maybe my depression is getting the best of me, but so far I'm hating it here in Kalamazoo. I'm beyond lonely and I absolutely can't wait until this year is over and I don't have to live here anymore. There's no point in leaving my apartment because there's nobody to go anywhere and do fun stuff with. So basically I'm in class all day and then I come home to study alone in my apartment. This place will never feel like home, especially with most of my friends at least 2 hours away and my family 3 hours away. They say home is where the heart is and my heart is in Midland and Big Rapids.
I'm also hating P3 year so far. I've had a full week of classes so I've kinda gotten the gist of what everything's going to be like (except tests because I haven't had one yet). There are so many presentations this year and it's really freaking me out. I'm terrible at speaking in front of people. There's also so many pre-class assignments and readings that I can't even keep track! I thought having a planner would help, but it doesn't help because I'm having so much trouble even finding assignments all throughout Ferris Connect. It's so confusing and I'm probably going to miss some deadlines this semester. My attention span also hasn't improved at all. Even as I write this I should be studying. That was the intention for today, but so far it's not going so well.
It's Labor Day weekend and I don't have class again until Tuesday afternoon. I should be having some fun, right? Wrong. I decided not to go home in order to force myself to get caught up on classwork and possibly even get ahead on a couple of things. I'm an idiot. I'm sitting here in my apartment alone, crying, writing a blog in an attempt to get it all out of my head.......this sucks so bad I can't even explain it.
That's my week in a nutshell - an "I hate my life" kind of week. If anyone figures out a way to switch lives with someone else, please let me know!
I'm also hating P3 year so far. I've had a full week of classes so I've kinda gotten the gist of what everything's going to be like (except tests because I haven't had one yet). There are so many presentations this year and it's really freaking me out. I'm terrible at speaking in front of people. There's also so many pre-class assignments and readings that I can't even keep track! I thought having a planner would help, but it doesn't help because I'm having so much trouble even finding assignments all throughout Ferris Connect. It's so confusing and I'm probably going to miss some deadlines this semester. My attention span also hasn't improved at all. Even as I write this I should be studying. That was the intention for today, but so far it's not going so well.
It's Labor Day weekend and I don't have class again until Tuesday afternoon. I should be having some fun, right? Wrong. I decided not to go home in order to force myself to get caught up on classwork and possibly even get ahead on a couple of things. I'm an idiot. I'm sitting here in my apartment alone, crying, writing a blog in an attempt to get it all out of my head.......this sucks so bad I can't even explain it.
That's my week in a nutshell - an "I hate my life" kind of week. If anyone figures out a way to switch lives with someone else, please let me know!
Saturday, August 29, 2009
P3 Year in Kalamazoo
Here we go again. Another disgustingly hard year as a pharmacy grad student. Blah.
I'm pretty much all moved into my new apartment. It's not too shabby for just me. And I finally have cable and internet! I felt like an idiot trying to order it over the phone because I've never done it before, but I must have done it correctly because everything works! Yay! Just having some background noise is wonderful because I lived in a deathly silent apartment by myself for almost a week. All better now! I'm currently at home because I forgot a few things that were too big/expensive for Mom to mail (like every single jacket I own and my official white coat I need for lab and work...), but other than that I have my apartment set up the way I like it. I should put up pictures later...
I had orientation yesterday morning at Spindler Hall on Western Michigan University's campus, which is the building where almost all of my classes will be held. We also have our Therapeutics class across the street at MSU/KCMS, which is a clinic-type place affiliated with Michigan State and Ferris. And it's also (conveniently) the location for my Community IPPE! I'm relieved because it'll help me get familiar with the building for when I have classes there, and it's right across from Spindler so I won't ever get lost trying to go to work! If you know me, you know that I'm a nervous driver and terrified of driving around newer, bigger places. So I was obviously not looking forward to the prospect of getting lost in Kzoo. Right now I'm sticking to the few places I know - my apartment, Meijer, Spindler Hall, MSU/KCMS, and Sarah & Kevin's apartment!
The professors and older students kinda freaked me out at orientation as far as the curriculum goes. I'm easily stressed out, so getting this flood of information was overwhelming and made me wanna hide under a rock. I'm not as mature as most people think. I hate change. Hate it. And I freak out inside about every single little new thing I have to experience. All of these changes in such a short period of time are scaring me, but I really need to learn to just suck it up and deal with change. I'm ashamed that I get this worked up about it when I'm supposed to be a grad student and a medical professional. I don't feel professional in the least. Maybe after this year is over. We'll see. I really envy some of my classmates' ability to go with the flow and take charge in situations that make me really nervous. Hopefully I can learn to become better at adjusting and adapting this year. Pray for me!
That's about all for now. Once classes start up I might write again just to vent or de-stress.
I'm pretty much all moved into my new apartment. It's not too shabby for just me. And I finally have cable and internet! I felt like an idiot trying to order it over the phone because I've never done it before, but I must have done it correctly because everything works! Yay! Just having some background noise is wonderful because I lived in a deathly silent apartment by myself for almost a week. All better now! I'm currently at home because I forgot a few things that were too big/expensive for Mom to mail (like every single jacket I own and my official white coat I need for lab and work...), but other than that I have my apartment set up the way I like it. I should put up pictures later...
I had orientation yesterday morning at Spindler Hall on Western Michigan University's campus, which is the building where almost all of my classes will be held. We also have our Therapeutics class across the street at MSU/KCMS, which is a clinic-type place affiliated with Michigan State and Ferris. And it's also (conveniently) the location for my Community IPPE! I'm relieved because it'll help me get familiar with the building for when I have classes there, and it's right across from Spindler so I won't ever get lost trying to go to work! If you know me, you know that I'm a nervous driver and terrified of driving around newer, bigger places. So I was obviously not looking forward to the prospect of getting lost in Kzoo. Right now I'm sticking to the few places I know - my apartment, Meijer, Spindler Hall, MSU/KCMS, and Sarah & Kevin's apartment!
The professors and older students kinda freaked me out at orientation as far as the curriculum goes. I'm easily stressed out, so getting this flood of information was overwhelming and made me wanna hide under a rock. I'm not as mature as most people think. I hate change. Hate it. And I freak out inside about every single little new thing I have to experience. All of these changes in such a short period of time are scaring me, but I really need to learn to just suck it up and deal with change. I'm ashamed that I get this worked up about it when I'm supposed to be a grad student and a medical professional. I don't feel professional in the least. Maybe after this year is over. We'll see. I really envy some of my classmates' ability to go with the flow and take charge in situations that make me really nervous. Hopefully I can learn to become better at adjusting and adapting this year. Pray for me!
That's about all for now. Once classes start up I might write again just to vent or de-stress.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
what!?! summer is 1/3 over already!?!
Wow, June has gone by ridiculously fast! Not quite sure if that's a good thing or not.....probably not because I want my last free summer to be looooong and full of fun stuff! Here's what's been up so far:
Can't remember if I wrote about this before, but the Fay's wedding was beautiful! I had fun being a bridesmaid and I think that everything went off without a hitch and it was pretty darn drama-free. The location was absolutely gorgeous, and so was Sarah!
I did my Institutional IPPE during the first 3 weeks of June @ Saginaw Covenant Cooper Pharmacy. It was....interesting...I guess. Well, my preceptor was a nice guy, but he pretty much ditched me after the first 3ish days. Not cool. Why would you sign up to be a preceptor if you don't even teach the student anything? But the rest of the staff was very friendly. This one tech named Wende was super nice and kinda became my mentor while I was there. She showed me the ropes of what a tech normally does, and she answered all of my stupid questions. Hehe. But the pharmacists were kinda too busy to teach me anything. I did some "observing" where I watched them click around on their computers while they entered orders and checked on patient stuff, but nobody really explained much and I felt really in the way. So it wasn't a hard IPPE, but I did spend a lot of time standing around being useless because nobody bothered to keep teaching me after the first few days. But at least it's over with, so now I don't have anymore major responsibilities for the summer.
My job this summer is just to do yard work and housework for my parents...and they're paying me for it! Silly people, but I'm not complaining! I need to step up my game though. It's easy to get stuff done when my parents aren't around cuz it feels more like my house, but when they're home I feel less of a responsibility to clean up around the house. Oh well, I'm trying to be more of a help than I have been recently.
Kelly and I went to Big Rapids this past weekend!!! It started out kinda sucky. We couldn't get ahold of anyone, it was so frustrating! But we ended up having a fun game night on Saturday, and Sunday was a blast with church, tubing, movies, etc. I LOVE MY FRIENDS! Yep. I get sooooo lonely here in Midland because I have basically no best friends here. I have close friends, but none that I can really tell everything to. So it was really exciting to see my besties in BR and do some catching up. I'm hoping to go back REALLY soon.
I was guaranteed the apartment I wanted for my year in Kzoo coming up! Yay! I think I put up some pics in a previous blog post, go check it out. I haven't gotten to put down a deposit or sign a lease yet, but they're holding one for me that has all of my preferences (2nd/3rd floor, woods view). Yay! If you're reading this you should plan on coming to visit me so you can see it in person!
That's probably all for now.
Does anyone actually read this? Just curious. Sometimes it's good to just write and get stuff out of my head, but I never know if it matters to anyone else. Lol.
OK, buh bye!
Can't remember if I wrote about this before, but the Fay's wedding was beautiful! I had fun being a bridesmaid and I think that everything went off without a hitch and it was pretty darn drama-free. The location was absolutely gorgeous, and so was Sarah!
I did my Institutional IPPE during the first 3 weeks of June @ Saginaw Covenant Cooper Pharmacy. It was....interesting...I guess. Well, my preceptor was a nice guy, but he pretty much ditched me after the first 3ish days. Not cool. Why would you sign up to be a preceptor if you don't even teach the student anything? But the rest of the staff was very friendly. This one tech named Wende was super nice and kinda became my mentor while I was there. She showed me the ropes of what a tech normally does, and she answered all of my stupid questions. Hehe. But the pharmacists were kinda too busy to teach me anything. I did some "observing" where I watched them click around on their computers while they entered orders and checked on patient stuff, but nobody really explained much and I felt really in the way. So it wasn't a hard IPPE, but I did spend a lot of time standing around being useless because nobody bothered to keep teaching me after the first few days. But at least it's over with, so now I don't have anymore major responsibilities for the summer.
My job this summer is just to do yard work and housework for my parents...and they're paying me for it! Silly people, but I'm not complaining! I need to step up my game though. It's easy to get stuff done when my parents aren't around cuz it feels more like my house, but when they're home I feel less of a responsibility to clean up around the house. Oh well, I'm trying to be more of a help than I have been recently.
Kelly and I went to Big Rapids this past weekend!!! It started out kinda sucky. We couldn't get ahold of anyone, it was so frustrating! But we ended up having a fun game night on Saturday, and Sunday was a blast with church, tubing, movies, etc. I LOVE MY FRIENDS! Yep. I get sooooo lonely here in Midland because I have basically no best friends here. I have close friends, but none that I can really tell everything to. So it was really exciting to see my besties in BR and do some catching up. I'm hoping to go back REALLY soon.
I was guaranteed the apartment I wanted for my year in Kzoo coming up! Yay! I think I put up some pics in a previous blog post, go check it out. I haven't gotten to put down a deposit or sign a lease yet, but they're holding one for me that has all of my preferences (2nd/3rd floor, woods view). Yay! If you're reading this you should plan on coming to visit me so you can see it in person!
That's probably all for now.
Does anyone actually read this? Just curious. Sometimes it's good to just write and get stuff out of my head, but I never know if it matters to anyone else. Lol.
OK, buh bye!
Thursday, May 21, 2009
summer kickoff
My first blog of the summer! Haven't updated in a long time, but here it goes:
First of all......I PASSED ALL OF MY CLASSES!!! Heck yes! I'm basically freaking out because I was so close to failing and having to repeat an entire semester and join the class below mine. That would have been so humiliating. But anyways, I passed! I am, however, the master at cutting it close. Haha, technically I failed Chemotherapeutics by 0.1%, but of course they let me pass. And I only passed Medicinal Chemistry by 0.6%! Good lord, I'm talented. But my other two classes went well and I'm officially a P3!!!
I'm doing my IPPE (Introductory Pharmacy Practice Experiential) this summer to get it over with early (it would normally be done next summer, after my P3 year). I'm super nervous and I don't even start for about a week and a half! I'm hoping they realize that I've never worked in a pharmacy before and that I'm doing it without the knowledge I'd have after my P3 classes/clinicals. Hopefully it won't be too scary, wish me luck!
My job this summer is just to do the housework and yardwork around my house because my parents needed help. My dad works a ton and my mom works a weird night schedule and just had surgery, so I'm just trying to keep everything in order for them. And I'm getting paid to do it! Yay! lol.
Still haven't found a place to live in Kzoo yet. I'm on two waiting/priority lists and I've actually gotten an offer from my 2nd choice place, but I did turn it down because I really want to live at the other place! It'll be quite awhile before I hear back from them though. Grrrr.
Upcoming Plans: Off to Sterling Heights on Saturday for Kelly's college graduation party! Yay! Haha, she's one of a very small handful my friends who are actually graduating in 4 years like normal people. Proud of her though, she's already got a job at DFAS in Columbus, OH! Then the next weekend I'm off to Grand Rapids, OH for Sarah's wedding!!!! It'll be my first bridesmaid duty of the summer, and I'm really excited. Been tanning on my deck in preparation. lol. Can't wait!
Well, that's all folks! Write back later with more exciting news (hopefully)!
*please excuse the weird layout...i needed a change, but i haven't had time to perfect the color scheme yet*
First of all......I PASSED ALL OF MY CLASSES!!! Heck yes! I'm basically freaking out because I was so close to failing and having to repeat an entire semester and join the class below mine. That would have been so humiliating. But anyways, I passed! I am, however, the master at cutting it close. Haha, technically I failed Chemotherapeutics by 0.1%, but of course they let me pass. And I only passed Medicinal Chemistry by 0.6%! Good lord, I'm talented. But my other two classes went well and I'm officially a P3!!!
I'm doing my IPPE (Introductory Pharmacy Practice Experiential) this summer to get it over with early (it would normally be done next summer, after my P3 year). I'm super nervous and I don't even start for about a week and a half! I'm hoping they realize that I've never worked in a pharmacy before and that I'm doing it without the knowledge I'd have after my P3 classes/clinicals. Hopefully it won't be too scary, wish me luck!
My job this summer is just to do the housework and yardwork around my house because my parents needed help. My dad works a ton and my mom works a weird night schedule and just had surgery, so I'm just trying to keep everything in order for them. And I'm getting paid to do it! Yay! lol.
Still haven't found a place to live in Kzoo yet. I'm on two waiting/priority lists and I've actually gotten an offer from my 2nd choice place, but I did turn it down because I really want to live at the other place! It'll be quite awhile before I hear back from them though. Grrrr.
Upcoming Plans: Off to Sterling Heights on Saturday for Kelly's college graduation party! Yay! Haha, she's one of a very small handful my friends who are actually graduating in 4 years like normal people. Proud of her though, she's already got a job at DFAS in Columbus, OH! Then the next weekend I'm off to Grand Rapids, OH for Sarah's wedding!!!! It'll be my first bridesmaid duty of the summer, and I'm really excited. Been tanning on my deck in preparation. lol. Can't wait!
Well, that's all folks! Write back later with more exciting news (hopefully)!
*please excuse the weird layout...i needed a change, but i haven't had time to perfect the color scheme yet*
Saturday, May 2, 2009
finals week
Taking a quick study break...not because I particularly need a break, but because I'm pretty much panicking and trying not to cry while studying. I can't believe I'm still failing 2 classes. It's beyond upsetting that I might have to repeat a whole semester! Seriously, I'd just feel like dying if I didn't get to be a P3 with the rest of my class. So basically I have to study like a maniac this weekend or I'm screwed. I have to get a 75% on the Chemo final and a 66% on the Med Chem final to pass those two classes. It's much harder than it sounds seeing as how I've been getting in the 40s and 50s on most of my tests. There is no curving, so it's all up to me and God. It's so hard right now to just trust that He'll get me through this. It seems so much easier to just panic and cry, but I know it's no going to get me anywhere. Time to pray hard and study hard and not let anything else get in the way.
Update on apartments for next year: My 2nd choice called and asked when I wanted to move in, so basically I'm set if I wanted to sign a lease right now. But I still would rather live at the other place I applied to, so I'm holding out until mid-summer to see if a spot opens up for me there. That is all.
OK, back to cramming my brain with as much info as possible before Monday afternoon.
Update on apartments for next year: My 2nd choice called and asked when I wanted to move in, so basically I'm set if I wanted to sign a lease right now. But I still would rather live at the other place I applied to, so I'm holding out until mid-summer to see if a spot opens up for me there. That is all.
OK, back to cramming my brain with as much info as possible before Monday afternoon.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
some happy, some emo
Happy stuff first: I'm really geeked cuz Chrissy and I have excellent tickets for the Jonas Brothers World Tour this summer!!!! WOoOOooOoOoOO!!!! They redesigned the stage and it's gonna be so frickin' sweet, and we'll be so much closer than last time! No nosebleed seats! lol. It's also kinda a present for her cuz it's 6 days after her bday. Works out nicely. :o) So yep, that's about the only exciting thing that's happened to me lately. Check out this video sneak peek of their stage....
Emo time: I HATE PHARMACY SCHOOL!!! IT NEEDS TO DIE!!! Yeah, so that basically explains how things have been going lately. After my last Chemotherapeutics test I knew I needed to kick my butt into gear if I'm going to pass the class. I mean, failing is not OK and not an option, I'm not doing this all over again. So anyways, last weekend I logged 31 hours in the library between Thursday afternoon and Monday morning - I've never studied that hard in my entire life! Never! The only cool part was that I set my cell phone alarm to go off every hour so I could pray and refocus myself, so I did learn a lot about trusting in the Lord. BUT it didn't turn out as awesome as I would have liked. I passed the test (70%), but only cuz we got 10 extra credit points.....so essentially it was just a better fail than my first 2 tests(60% without the extra credit). SUCK! I'm so pissed. I really thought I'd get in the 70's at least by myself, so the extra credit thing is just poking fun at the fact that I can't actually pass a test on my own. It's so damn frustrating and I can't get past it. I'm completely freaking out because overall I'm still failing the class, and according to my first 2 Medicinal Chemistry test scores I'm failing that class too! I'm just baffled because I'm trying harder than I ever have, and yet doing the worst I've ever done.
Here's where I'm at right now (not that you guys care, I'm just writing it down in hopes that it'll motivate me to do better):
Integrated Lab: A (assumed...hard to get anything else in this class)
Pharmaceutics: 80.2% test average
Medicinal Chemistry: 63.5% test average (FAIL) --> 65% is passing
Chemotherapeutics: 53.3% test average (FAIL)
I hadn't realized I was also failing Med Chem until a few days ago....so guess what I'm doing all weekend! Oh yeah, you know it, I'm living at the library. Exciting stuff. Ok, I think emo time is over now. Off to bed!
Peace♥Love♥Jonas
Emo time: I HATE PHARMACY SCHOOL!!! IT NEEDS TO DIE!!! Yeah, so that basically explains how things have been going lately. After my last Chemotherapeutics test I knew I needed to kick my butt into gear if I'm going to pass the class. I mean, failing is not OK and not an option, I'm not doing this all over again. So anyways, last weekend I logged 31 hours in the library between Thursday afternoon and Monday morning - I've never studied that hard in my entire life! Never! The only cool part was that I set my cell phone alarm to go off every hour so I could pray and refocus myself, so I did learn a lot about trusting in the Lord. BUT it didn't turn out as awesome as I would have liked. I passed the test (70%), but only cuz we got 10 extra credit points.....so essentially it was just a better fail than my first 2 tests(60% without the extra credit). SUCK! I'm so pissed. I really thought I'd get in the 70's at least by myself, so the extra credit thing is just poking fun at the fact that I can't actually pass a test on my own. It's so damn frustrating and I can't get past it. I'm completely freaking out because overall I'm still failing the class, and according to my first 2 Medicinal Chemistry test scores I'm failing that class too! I'm just baffled because I'm trying harder than I ever have, and yet doing the worst I've ever done.
Here's where I'm at right now (not that you guys care, I'm just writing it down in hopes that it'll motivate me to do better):
Integrated Lab: A (assumed...hard to get anything else in this class)
Pharmaceutics: 80.2% test average
Medicinal Chemistry: 63.5% test average (FAIL) --> 65% is passing
Chemotherapeutics: 53.3% test average (FAIL)
I hadn't realized I was also failing Med Chem until a few days ago....so guess what I'm doing all weekend! Oh yeah, you know it, I'm living at the library. Exciting stuff. Ok, I think emo time is over now. Off to bed!
Peace♥Love♥Jonas
Sunday, March 29, 2009
The Duck Song
We find the most random stuff during our Chemo study breaks....Watch this, it's so hilarious! Especially when you watch it more than once and can sing along! lol
p.s. Can anyone tell me how to get actual videos on my blog posts??? I can't figure it out and it's driving me crazy!!! I'm only talented enough to post links. Sad. HELP PLEASE! :o)
Thursday, March 26, 2009
life updates....
* It's almost been 2 weeks since apartment hunting and I haven't sent in applications yet. Oops. Better get on that ASAP!
* I got placed for my IPPE (Introductory Pharmacy Practice Experiential) this summer! I'm getting it over with early instead of during the semester next year. It's actually @ Saginaw Covenant where Mom works! Not the same building, unfortunately (she's in Harrison and I'm in Cooper). But it'll be nice to get it over with earlier in the summer and to lighten the load for next year.
* Just recently had my White Coat Ceremony where we get fancy new lab coats (w/ new name badges and a Ferris Pharmacy patch on them) for our 5th-year clinicals and 6th-year rotations. My parents were geeked about it, and it was awesome having Chrissy there too, but I couldn't get overly-excited about it when I haven't earned it yet. I'm not even sure I'll pass the semester, so it was a little bit of a tease. It's a spiffy coat though... :o)
* JONAS BROTHERS: WORLD TOUR SUMMER '09!!! Yeah baby!!! Haha, I just bought Chrissy & I some excellent tickets on Monday, and we're stoked! I'm glad we have this in common cuz there's not much else we can do together that both of us can agree on. The concert is 6 days after her birthday, and it's in Detroit this time (not Columbus, OH) so the traveling part should be a LOT better than our last "adventure" was. I'm excited!!!!!!!!
OK, time to stop blogging now, just thought I'd update. I'm supposed to be taking a nap right now so I'll have energy to stay at the library forever tonight. Our last regular Chemotherapeutics exam w/ Dr. Kreuger is on Monday and I'm terrified (as usual). I'm full-on failing that class, so I really need to step up my game - my friend Chad and I decided we're aiming for a 95%! lol. Seeing as how my first 2 scores were a 46% and a 43%, this is a lofty goal. But hey, reach for the stars, right? Well, that's all for now! Peace out.
* I got placed for my IPPE (Introductory Pharmacy Practice Experiential) this summer! I'm getting it over with early instead of during the semester next year. It's actually @ Saginaw Covenant where Mom works! Not the same building, unfortunately (she's in Harrison and I'm in Cooper). But it'll be nice to get it over with earlier in the summer and to lighten the load for next year.
* Just recently had my White Coat Ceremony where we get fancy new lab coats (w/ new name badges and a Ferris Pharmacy patch on them) for our 5th-year clinicals and 6th-year rotations. My parents were geeked about it, and it was awesome having Chrissy there too, but I couldn't get overly-excited about it when I haven't earned it yet. I'm not even sure I'll pass the semester, so it was a little bit of a tease. It's a spiffy coat though... :o)
* JONAS BROTHERS: WORLD TOUR SUMMER '09!!! Yeah baby!!! Haha, I just bought Chrissy & I some excellent tickets on Monday, and we're stoked! I'm glad we have this in common cuz there's not much else we can do together that both of us can agree on. The concert is 6 days after her birthday, and it's in Detroit this time (not Columbus, OH) so the traveling part should be a LOT better than our last "adventure" was. I'm excited!!!!!!!!
OK, time to stop blogging now, just thought I'd update. I'm supposed to be taking a nap right now so I'll have energy to stay at the library forever tonight. Our last regular Chemotherapeutics exam w/ Dr. Kreuger is on Monday and I'm terrified (as usual). I'm full-on failing that class, so I really need to step up my game - my friend Chad and I decided we're aiming for a 95%! lol. Seeing as how my first 2 scores were a 46% and a 43%, this is a lofty goal. But hey, reach for the stars, right? Well, that's all for now! Peace out.
Monday, March 16, 2009
apartment update
Since I've never had to do real apartment hunting I didn't realize how exhausting it was! Thank God for my father. Not sure I could have done it (as efficiently) by myself. And it took forever too! (3 hour drive, 6 hour hunt, 3 hour drive back). Blah. Anyways, it was mostly difficult because my top 2 "qualifications" could NOT be found together in a single apartment in our price range!!! Grrrr. Are a kitty and an in-apartment washer/dryer too much to ask?? I don't think so! But the complexes in Kzoo do, evidently. But anywho, starting with a list of pet-friendly apartments we narrowed it down to 2 (possibly 3) that we're putting in applications for. Being wait-listed isn't so fabulous, but it's not like I'll end up living on the streets, so it's not a big deal. Here are some pics of my current front-runner, Chestnut Hills Apartments (which is across the street from the Jaguar dealership, hehe) -->
The Dining Area & Kitchen (looks cute with the staged furniture!)
The Closet By The Front Door (yay shelving!)
The Living Room & Balcony (nice foresty view out the back, if I choose to face that way)
The Hallway (ooo, exciting, I know)
The Bathroom (if they made it look cute, so can I!)
The Bedroom (good-sized; bed shown here is about the same size as mine)
So yep, that's my top choice as of now. It does help that it looks really cute the way they staged it for showings with the furniture! And I can choose the way I want to face when I apply there too, so I might get a nice view of the forest out back. As for my "qualifications", it's definitely pet-friendly so I can plan on getting a kitten! There's no washer/dryer in my individual apartment, which is a disappointment, but maybe it won't be so bad - it's a keyed entry to the laundry room and there's only 12 apartments sharing it for each building. The main frustrations with this complex are the management (that lady was nuts!!! and had an unpleasant attitude, not gonna lie) and the fact that it could be as late as July 31st before I figure out if I get an apartment for mid-August. Grrr. Well, for now we'll send in an app and see where it goes from there. And we're gonna send in at least 1 more, maybe 2, just in case. Yep, that's my story complete with pictures, the end!
Friday, March 13, 2009
stuck between a rock and a crazy place
Lol, don't mind the blog title, just a quote from one of the funniest shows EVER! :oD
Ok, end-of-spring-break-update:
~ Finally got the Kzoo apartment hunting done. Yay! Well, not yay, it was sucky and caused me lots of anxiety, but at least it's done. About time.
~ Got my 5 days worth of Chemo notes recopied, but I'm still behind on homework. I was really, really, really hoping to get caught up or even slightly ahead over break. Yeah...didn't happen....but maybe I'll get a little more done before I head back tomorrow or Sunday.
~ Sadly enough (and oddly enough) I don't think I'm a homebody anymore. I just don't seem to handle it well when I'm home - too much clashing over how and when things should get done, and it just feels like 3 adults (or 4 w/ Chris) in a house made for 2. Cramped and tense. Not horribly, but slightly, just enough to feel it and not be able to do much about it. So I'm just not sure how it'll turn out if I end up living at home this summer.
~ I'm getting REALLY anxious about school. Even more than I thought was possible, if you can imagine. I'm literally failing almost every test I take, and I'm not sure how much longer this can go on before I have a complete meltdown. It's literally the worst feeling I've ever felt to study like a feind for a test and then still fail!!! Not ok, for serious. I'm pissed at school, profs, myself.....it's just unacceptable. Guess I have to study even more than every waking moment...haha, wish me luck?? It's so hard to hear my failures being thrown back into my face (even if it's not intended to be hurtful) in regards to getting a Blackberry & finding an apartment...."why should we get you [insert item here] if you're just going to fail out?" Awesome, just awesome.
Blah, I dunno what else to write, I'm too tired. Spent 12 hours out of town today (6 of them driving), so I'm pretty braindead. Write back later when I actually have something interesting to say!
Ok, end-of-spring-break-update:
~ Finally got the Kzoo apartment hunting done. Yay! Well, not yay, it was sucky and caused me lots of anxiety, but at least it's done. About time.
~ Got my 5 days worth of Chemo notes recopied, but I'm still behind on homework. I was really, really, really hoping to get caught up or even slightly ahead over break. Yeah...didn't happen....but maybe I'll get a little more done before I head back tomorrow or Sunday.
~ Sadly enough (and oddly enough) I don't think I'm a homebody anymore. I just don't seem to handle it well when I'm home - too much clashing over how and when things should get done, and it just feels like 3 adults (or 4 w/ Chris) in a house made for 2. Cramped and tense. Not horribly, but slightly, just enough to feel it and not be able to do much about it. So I'm just not sure how it'll turn out if I end up living at home this summer.
~ I'm getting REALLY anxious about school. Even more than I thought was possible, if you can imagine. I'm literally failing almost every test I take, and I'm not sure how much longer this can go on before I have a complete meltdown. It's literally the worst feeling I've ever felt to study like a feind for a test and then still fail!!! Not ok, for serious. I'm pissed at school, profs, myself.....it's just unacceptable. Guess I have to study even more than every waking moment...haha, wish me luck?? It's so hard to hear my failures being thrown back into my face (even if it's not intended to be hurtful) in regards to getting a Blackberry & finding an apartment...."why should we get you [insert item here] if you're just going to fail out?" Awesome, just awesome.
Blah, I dunno what else to write, I'm too tired. Spent 12 hours out of town today (6 of them driving), so I'm pretty braindead. Write back later when I actually have something interesting to say!
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
spring break!!!
*forgot to finish this awhile ago....so I just finished it off and posted it now instead....*
My last test was this morning so now my brain is shut off and I'm essentially on spring break! I do have a couple days more of classes, but who cares? I don't have to study! No more library time for over a week! *sigh* It's a beautiful thing. Whoever invented spring break is a genius. Plus it's getting warmer out this week! Yay! I'm so excited to go home for break and see the family & friends that I never have time to visit anymore. I literally can't come home on the weekends anymore because they're not real 'weekends'....just extra study time. So yeah, it'll be really exciting to be home and just recharge for the rest of the semester. I don't even have a ton of stuff planned, I'm just excited to have the freedom to join in on whatever comes up instead of constantly worrying about studying. (Although I'll still try to get caught up on Chemo & P'col lectures before I get back.) And I can sleep as much as I want!!! Sleep = amazing, and I hardly ever get the full 8 hours I need. Yep, I'm one of those people. I seriously can't function fully on less than 8 (maybe 7) hours of sleep. Never in my life have I pulled a real all-nighter, and I don't plan on it cuz I physically couldn't. But anyways, not the point. The point is that I'm done and I finally get to treat myself to some rest & relaxation!!!
In other news, I went to a pharmacy convention & exposition for the Michigan Pharmacists Association this past weekend in Detroit. It was a fun group of my peers that went, and it was especially awesome to get to listen to Continuing Education (CE) presentations without taking notes or being tested!! Plus I got lotsa great food for free!! AND there was a STARBUCKS down on the first floor! Yummmm. Got some interesting free stuff too - my own pill counter, a practice insulin pen (filled w/ saline), a computer duster, and a slinky! lol. There was drug-related stuff too, but those were the oddball things I managed to snag. So, bottom line, the conference was fun & informative, and I got nifty free stuff! I think I'll go back next year! hehe :oP
My last test was this morning so now my brain is shut off and I'm essentially on spring break! I do have a couple days more of classes, but who cares? I don't have to study! No more library time for over a week! *sigh* It's a beautiful thing. Whoever invented spring break is a genius. Plus it's getting warmer out this week! Yay! I'm so excited to go home for break and see the family & friends that I never have time to visit anymore. I literally can't come home on the weekends anymore because they're not real 'weekends'....just extra study time. So yeah, it'll be really exciting to be home and just recharge for the rest of the semester. I don't even have a ton of stuff planned, I'm just excited to have the freedom to join in on whatever comes up instead of constantly worrying about studying. (Although I'll still try to get caught up on Chemo & P'col lectures before I get back.) And I can sleep as much as I want!!! Sleep = amazing, and I hardly ever get the full 8 hours I need. Yep, I'm one of those people. I seriously can't function fully on less than 8 (maybe 7) hours of sleep. Never in my life have I pulled a real all-nighter, and I don't plan on it cuz I physically couldn't. But anyways, not the point. The point is that I'm done and I finally get to treat myself to some rest & relaxation!!!
In other news, I went to a pharmacy convention & exposition for the Michigan Pharmacists Association this past weekend in Detroit. It was a fun group of my peers that went, and it was especially awesome to get to listen to Continuing Education (CE) presentations without taking notes or being tested!! Plus I got lotsa great food for free!! AND there was a STARBUCKS down on the first floor! Yummmm. Got some interesting free stuff too - my own pill counter, a practice insulin pen (filled w/ saline), a computer duster, and a slinky! lol. There was drug-related stuff too, but those were the oddball things I managed to snag. So, bottom line, the conference was fun & informative, and I got nifty free stuff! I think I'll go back next year! hehe :oP
Thursday, February 26, 2009
always good for a laugh
Another hilarious video brought to you courtesy of the Jonas Brothers! This is their MySpace Artist on Artist interview where they asked each other random questions. It made my morning, I love it!
http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=22191827&blogId=473147688
http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=22191827&blogId=473147688
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
rest in peace
Haha, no, not like that! Nobody died! lol. I just chose that title because lately God's been so awesome about giving me both peace and rest. It's ironic though, cuz pharm school is about to kill me! But anywho, I've been reading "The Rest of God" by Mark Buchanan (awesome book, btw, read it!) and it's about the two different meanings of the word 'rest' - physical rest that is a break from everyday craziness, and also about finding the rest of God that you're missing when you scurry around during the week. I took about a 3-hour break from studying today (which I wouldn't normally do 2 days before a Chemo test) and I just felt so refreshed. Even Ashley noticed I was unusually calm for a test week. Yep, humans are definitely not meant to run like Energizer bunnies. And also, it's been significantly easier lately to think about how God would want me to treat certain situations, and it's also been easier to incorporate Him into my daily life and watch for His influence throughout the day. This is something I often forget, but I always feel so much peace when I'm right with God (or at least on my way to being right with Him). When I turn things around and get my priorities in order it's so much easier to organize my life, accomplish what needs to be done, and maintain a non-depressed attitude through it all. So that's where my peace has been found lately. Bottom line - God is good! ♥♥ favorite quote: "Sabbath is not the break we're allotted at the tail end of completing all our tasks and chores, the fulfillment of all our obligations. It's the rest we take smack-dab in the middle of them, without apology, without guilt, and for no better reason than God told us we could."
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Med Term Concerto
New YouTube link! Evidently the P1's got to watch this in their Integrated Lab, although I never saw it last year. It's hilarious! Just making a joke out of the fact that medical students of any kind get to use ridiculous words/phrases/acronyms to describe everything. Check it out! :o)
Sunday, February 22, 2009
fam[ily]
I've been hearing a few of my friends open up lately about how messed up their families are, which is so sad. And as ridiculous as this is, I almost feel guilty for having an amazing family when these people can't! I know, it's silly, it's just hard to see other people hurting when I have absolutely no clue what they've been through. I feel so spoiled sometimes even though I know I haven't been taking it for granted. I love my family and tell them so all the time, and I really appreciate everything my parents do to make my life easier, especially right now as far as finances go (tuition, car insurance, phone bills, housing, etc.). I hate it when people make me feel bad about being so lucky - I'm truly a privileged girl, but I've never taken it for granted. If I was being ungrateful about it and flaunting it in front of others, then there'd be a reason to smack me upside the head. But I've never thought that this is just how it's supposed to be, or like they owe me this great life. I'm aware of how good I have it and I thank God for giving me the life that I did nothing to deserve. When people open up I feel like I should offer up some encouraging words, but I don't know what to say. I have no problem just sitting and listening, but you just never know what people are expecting from you when they open up about something so important. So I kinda sit there in silence and let them ponder whatever thoughts are running through their head. Whatever, I try to be helpful if I can, but I'm never sure if it's really as easy as just sitting and listening. Well, I started a draft email to my parents telling them how much I love and appreciate them, so maybe I'll finish that up today. lol. Ok, time to go get ready for church. El fin.
♥ love my family ♥
♥ love my family ♥
Thursday, February 19, 2009
i love Laminin!!!
Still can't figure out how to get a video into an actual blog post, but I just added a video to my YouTube links section. WATCH IT!!!! Seriously, it's so amazing. It's a talk that a man named Louie Giglio gave at a Chris Tomlin concert during the "How Great Is Our God" tour. We just watched it at my Christian Pharmacists Fellowship meeting today, and it was exactly what I needed to hear. Just about how God is so much bigger than we can ever realize, and how each one of us is created by Him as a miracle. This is a clip from the coolest part where he talks about a certain protein in the human body, called Laminin, that binds all of our cells together......it's shaped exactly like the cross! So it's freaking amazing how God is inside of us holding us all together through every single experience in life, and he left us a little reminder in a cross-shaped protein! lol. LOVE IT!!! So yeah, watch it, right now! I put a couple pictures of Laminin below, and also a picture that the Hubble satellite took of the inside of a black hole....see how nifty!?!?!!!! 
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
"being humbled" is not the same as "being humble"
Well, where to start....first of all, I got a nap today! For the first time in forever! lol. I definitely think more clearly when I'm not angry and depressed and exhausted. But there are still things going on right now that make me sad. School is the biggest one, by far. I'm still terrified of remediating. It's a real possibility and I just can't understand how I've gotten so far into the program if I'm failing everything right now. I've failed 2 of my first 3 tests of the semester. I can't tell quite yet how badly that will affect me, but failing is obviously never good. The thing about the program is that my cumulative GPA just needs to stay above a 2.0, so depending on how this semester's GPA figures in, I might just make it. But in order to keep from dropping down too far I can't just aim for barely passing classes. I need to do well. But right now the only people who are doing well are the ones who can actually afford to fail everything cuz their GPA's are that awesome! Grrr, I hate them. So yeah, it's becoming continually harder for me to keep from spiraling down into full depression each time I get an exam back.
Secondly, my spiritual life is a wreck, as per usual. And it's sad that this is "the usual" for me. So sad. It really hit me this past Sunday because it was one of those messages that seemed to be tailored just for me. The title of the sermon was "Am I Humble?" - the bottom line was about being humble enough to welcome God, who is looking at my heart for a heart of worship that is set to seek Him. One of Pastor Gary's points that stood out to me was about being "humble" as opposed to being "humbled", and I definitely see the difference now. I've been the latter, always chugging along on my own until something terrible happens, and then I'm humbled by God's reprimands in my life. I need to stop being humbled over and over again, and the way to do that is to welcome Him fully into my life and to stop trying to take the reigns away. The second thing that really hit me was Pastor Gary's explanation of the phrase "a heart that is set to seek Him." He put it in these words, saying that an "unset heart rides the tides of consequences", which translates into the fact that by basing my mood & actions on the situations of each day I just end up being a rollercoaster. And I'm pretty much the scariest rollercoaster of a person that ever existed! I hate it, but I've never felt like I could do much about it. And of course it's always been easier to blame it on other things - school, clinical depression, etc. But really there's just me and my unset heart to blame. I tend to get angry at the type of people who seem like they're always happy all the time, no matter what happens, but I realize now that it's not simply having a better spiritual life than mine, it's the fact that they're so set on seeking God that they aren't phased by daily trials & tribulations like I am. I wish I could be more like that, so now is the time to start figuring it all out. I have a lot of control issues in my spiritual life, and a lot of trying to hide even though I know God sees everything that's going on inside of me. *sigh* Even though I just wrote this all out and it seems like I've got a handle on my situation and what needs to be done, I'm still as confused as ever about where to start.
And as far as my depression goes, it's still been as much of a struggle as ever. Still shutting people out during the times when I should be opening up the most. Still letting the small things get inside my head and turn my heart to stone. But I'm going to make an appointment with my mom's shrink, which should help. And I guess I'll need to stop feeling like I dump problems on people, cuz I need to talk about things instead of holding them in. Yep, still a work in progress, but at least there has been some actual progression I think.
Ok, that's all for now. Time to put my study cap on and get to work. Lots to do if I'm gonna survive the week.
Secondly, my spiritual life is a wreck, as per usual. And it's sad that this is "the usual" for me. So sad. It really hit me this past Sunday because it was one of those messages that seemed to be tailored just for me. The title of the sermon was "Am I Humble?" - the bottom line was about being humble enough to welcome God, who is looking at my heart for a heart of worship that is set to seek Him. One of Pastor Gary's points that stood out to me was about being "humble" as opposed to being "humbled", and I definitely see the difference now. I've been the latter, always chugging along on my own until something terrible happens, and then I'm humbled by God's reprimands in my life. I need to stop being humbled over and over again, and the way to do that is to welcome Him fully into my life and to stop trying to take the reigns away. The second thing that really hit me was Pastor Gary's explanation of the phrase "a heart that is set to seek Him." He put it in these words, saying that an "unset heart rides the tides of consequences", which translates into the fact that by basing my mood & actions on the situations of each day I just end up being a rollercoaster. And I'm pretty much the scariest rollercoaster of a person that ever existed! I hate it, but I've never felt like I could do much about it. And of course it's always been easier to blame it on other things - school, clinical depression, etc. But really there's just me and my unset heart to blame. I tend to get angry at the type of people who seem like they're always happy all the time, no matter what happens, but I realize now that it's not simply having a better spiritual life than mine, it's the fact that they're so set on seeking God that they aren't phased by daily trials & tribulations like I am. I wish I could be more like that, so now is the time to start figuring it all out. I have a lot of control issues in my spiritual life, and a lot of trying to hide even though I know God sees everything that's going on inside of me. *sigh* Even though I just wrote this all out and it seems like I've got a handle on my situation and what needs to be done, I'm still as confused as ever about where to start.
And as far as my depression goes, it's still been as much of a struggle as ever. Still shutting people out during the times when I should be opening up the most. Still letting the small things get inside my head and turn my heart to stone. But I'm going to make an appointment with my mom's shrink, which should help. And I guess I'll need to stop feeling like I dump problems on people, cuz I need to talk about things instead of holding them in. Yep, still a work in progress, but at least there has been some actual progression I think.
Ok, that's all for now. Time to put my study cap on and get to work. Lots to do if I'm gonna survive the week.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
happy hearts day!
Hey girls, just wanted to say Happy Valentine's Day! It's sad that I won't be able to see any of you in person for awhile, but I still miss you and love you tons. Thanks for always being there for me, even when we're far apart. ♥
Friday, February 13, 2009
i'm such a tween sometimes!
THIS IS TOO FUNNY! Yeah, I love the Jo Bros, they're pretty much amazing...and hilarious...and talented...and scandal-free (thank God). This list may not be funny to you if you don't know anything about the brothers, but they're so goofy and this made me giggle. :o) (p.s. if you wanna see them being silly, def look them up on YouTube, they make awesome videos when they're bored!)
The full list of the Top Ten Surprising Facts About the Jonas Brothers:
10. Nick: "Our new 3D concert film puts you right in the middle of a six-hour tour bus ride from Pittsburgh to Albany."
9. Joe: "Often we are astonished by how adorable we are."
8. Kevin: "Sometimes we lather, rinse, repeat and then repeat again!"
7. Nick: "Last Sunday night, I won a Grammy for 'Best New Jonas.'"
6. Joe: "Osama said he'd come out of hiding if we'd meet his 15-year-old niece."
5. Kevin: "One time when we were on the road, things got really crazy and we stayed up until 10:30."
4. Nick: "We've seen 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop' 27 times."
3. Joe: "Once a week we get mail for Dr. Joyce Brothers."
2. Kevin: "We have no idea who that old dude behind the desk is."
1. Nick, Joe and Kevin: "A couple years back, Angelina Jolie tried to adopt us."
The full list of the Top Ten Surprising Facts About the Jonas Brothers:
10. Nick: "Our new 3D concert film puts you right in the middle of a six-hour tour bus ride from Pittsburgh to Albany."
9. Joe: "Often we are astonished by how adorable we are."
8. Kevin: "Sometimes we lather, rinse, repeat and then repeat again!"
7. Nick: "Last Sunday night, I won a Grammy for 'Best New Jonas.'"
6. Joe: "Osama said he'd come out of hiding if we'd meet his 15-year-old niece."
5. Kevin: "One time when we were on the road, things got really crazy and we stayed up until 10:30."
4. Nick: "We've seen 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop' 27 times."
3. Joe: "Once a week we get mail for Dr. Joyce Brothers."
2. Kevin: "We have no idea who that old dude behind the desk is."
1. Nick, Joe and Kevin: "A couple years back, Angelina Jolie tried to adopt us."
Thursday, February 12, 2009
weird...
It's so weird when things just hit you out of nowhere, like you all of a sudden understand something that's pretty ordinary and didn't seem to apply to you. Well, my current whack upside the head comes from the phrase you read a lot about where people "have trouble opening up" to other people. I was just thinking about it the other day and suddenly realized that I kinda have this problem even though I've always looked at it as a foreign concept. I guess I equated "emotional" with "open". Not the case! I'm definitely full of emotions (so much so that I should probably be drugged up and seeing a shrink by now), but I have become more and more of an internalizer. When I get really upset I tend to just hold everything in and hide from the world. Since I have a terrible time expressing feelings with words I just figure it'd be easier not to explain myself to other people. Hence the blog, where I can write & rewrite my thoughts without having to stumble over things and start crying. I'm realizing that holding things in has become a definite problem. I already have a lot of things internalized because I'm a "listener" - I love to just be there for other people by listening, even when I can't help or offer any useful advice. But the problem is that I take all of that and store it inside (cuz I obviously can't let it out elsewhere or I'd be gossiping), which can leave very little space after awhile for my own problems! However, it definitely bugs me that my problems are all stupid little emotional things, not anything huge like being homeless or broke or in a messed-up family.....I feel like I have absolutely no right to complain or even to vent! My life is awesome compared to most, but my emotions/depression gets in the way of enjoying a lot of it. So yeah, I hold things in because it makes more sense to me than dumping stupid things on other people. I'd rather not add to anyone else's emotional state when I don't have to. But this vessel called Katie can't hold as much as I used to think it could. Yep, I'm starting to think even more seriously about getting counseling. "Starting to" being the key words. I'm not thoroughly convinced yet. But it's definitely becoming a more appealing option these days. We'll see, maybe I'll make a pro/con list (haha, lists, a very Katie thing to do) when I have time to rest my brain this weekend. For now, back to Med Chem quizzing! Must practice up for my beast-of-a-test tomorrow! Adios.
fyi
Just updated my YouTube link section!
*added: 2 Whose Line clips (hilarious!) and kid playing Nintendo theme songs on the piano (way cool!)
*removed: JB music videos that nobody else but me will actually watch....lol.
Enjoy ♥ :o)
*added: 2 Whose Line clips (hilarious!) and kid playing Nintendo theme songs on the piano (way cool!)
*removed: JB music videos that nobody else but me will actually watch....lol.
Enjoy ♥ :o)
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
can't catch a break
~ Life is soooooo busy! I don't like it. Even though my class load is lighter, I've managed to fill what would be great chunks of study time with random meetings and catching up with people. I've never done well with small intervals of studying, and it's already showing in this first round of testing. Well, Pharmacology went ok (88), but Chemo was ridiculous and I know it went terribly wrong even though I didn't get the test back yet. But that was a hard one for everybody. And Med Chem is on Friday, and I'm waaaaaaaay behind on that one, for sure. I have this terrible combo of depression & ADD that just makes my life suck really bad.....who wants to switch personalities with me? Anyone...?
~ Riley went to the vet cuz he was limping, but I think he'll be ok now. They just gave him a shot of Cortisone in his shoulder and said he'd be fine. My poor baby, I miss him. Plus animals are so comforting to me, and these fish are just not doing the trick.
~ I'm kinda excited to be going to the Michigan Pharmacists Association convention in a couple weeks! It'll be interesting to finally do something pharmacy-related that doesn't involve going to class. I need to see more of what's out there in the profession, because the academic part just makes me want to shoot my brains out. There will be continuing education presentations that I just get to sit and listen to (and not take notes/tests on!!!), and there will be social stuff for the different schools of pharmacy, and really nice meals! And time to bond with some classmates that I don't know very well. So yeah, should be a good time.
~ This whole 1 test per week thing is good and bad. Good because then it gives a certain focus each week and I don't feel like I'm sacrificing study time for one test in order to study for the second. But it's bad because then every weekend is catch-up and get started on the next test's studying. Not enough time to completely relax, and definitely not enough time to go home, and I really miss home.
~ Speaking of busy weekends, this one will be crazy! MJ is coming to visit on Friday and I'm super excited cuz I haven't seen her in awhile. Hopefully I can keep her entertained in this dinky town of Big Rapids. We'll see. lol. And I have a bunch of non-Valentine's type plans with the girls to keep me occupied on Saturday. I'm just worried, once again, about study time. Story of my life.
~ I need professional help. No lie. But I've been so good at avoiding it so far. And even though I'm a pharm student, I'm terrified of the prospect of being on a drug for the rest of my life. Not cool with me. At all. I've always wanted to be able to fix it myself, and I've also prayed about it (but rarely, so I guess I could improve there too).....so I guess being drugged hasn't been an appealing option. But I should really go to the Counseling Center. Maybe. But I don't wanna, especially when ppl keep trying to talk me into it. Grrr, I dunno. Maybe I'll think more about it when I actually have the time.
Sleep now. Must study hardcore tomorrow. Buh bye.
~ Riley went to the vet cuz he was limping, but I think he'll be ok now. They just gave him a shot of Cortisone in his shoulder and said he'd be fine. My poor baby, I miss him. Plus animals are so comforting to me, and these fish are just not doing the trick.
~ I'm kinda excited to be going to the Michigan Pharmacists Association convention in a couple weeks! It'll be interesting to finally do something pharmacy-related that doesn't involve going to class. I need to see more of what's out there in the profession, because the academic part just makes me want to shoot my brains out. There will be continuing education presentations that I just get to sit and listen to (and not take notes/tests on!!!), and there will be social stuff for the different schools of pharmacy, and really nice meals! And time to bond with some classmates that I don't know very well. So yeah, should be a good time.
~ This whole 1 test per week thing is good and bad. Good because then it gives a certain focus each week and I don't feel like I'm sacrificing study time for one test in order to study for the second. But it's bad because then every weekend is catch-up and get started on the next test's studying. Not enough time to completely relax, and definitely not enough time to go home, and I really miss home.
~ Speaking of busy weekends, this one will be crazy! MJ is coming to visit on Friday and I'm super excited cuz I haven't seen her in awhile. Hopefully I can keep her entertained in this dinky town of Big Rapids. We'll see. lol. And I have a bunch of non-Valentine's type plans with the girls to keep me occupied on Saturday. I'm just worried, once again, about study time. Story of my life.
~ I need professional help. No lie. But I've been so good at avoiding it so far. And even though I'm a pharm student, I'm terrified of the prospect of being on a drug for the rest of my life. Not cool with me. At all. I've always wanted to be able to fix it myself, and I've also prayed about it (but rarely, so I guess I could improve there too).....so I guess being drugged hasn't been an appealing option. But I should really go to the Counseling Center. Maybe. But I don't wanna, especially when ppl keep trying to talk me into it. Grrr, I dunno. Maybe I'll think more about it when I actually have the time.
Sleep now. Must study hardcore tomorrow. Buh bye.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
READ THIS!
This was brought to my attention by a classmate in our newly-founded Christian Pharmacists Fellowship:
If you are not familiar with FOCA, it is the Freedom of Choice Act - President Obama has promised to pass this bill and Congress is likely to take it up. If you aren't familiar with it check out Liberty Counsel at lc.org to get more details. January 23rd marked the 36th anniversary of Roe v. Wade and to "honor" that President Obama signed an executive order rescinding the "Mexico City" policy which banned federal funding for overseas abortion. FOCA would overturn every state law putting any restriction on abortion (parental consent, informed consent, partial birth ban, everything). For example, if informed consent were removed those who administered abortions would not be able to tell the woman anything about the procedure or the risk it has for her physically, they'd just have to do it without question. And what really concerns me as a future pharmacist is that it would deny us (health providers) the right to object to participate in the act - so essentially if I refused to dispense the abortion pill I would be fired from my job! It's ironic that the "Freedom of Choice Act" takes away my freedom to abstain from something that I believe to be disgusting, immoral, and a sin. At least the previous legal situation regarding abortion included everyone's rights - the "pro-choice"ers could choose to get abortions, and the "pro-life"ers could choose not to get involved in that process. Please, if you have any questions, go to this site:
http://www.libertyaction.org/297/petition.asp?pid=19426445
And please sign this petition!!!
"The 10 who speak up are far louder than the 10,000 who remain silent."
If you are not familiar with FOCA, it is the Freedom of Choice Act - President Obama has promised to pass this bill and Congress is likely to take it up. If you aren't familiar with it check out Liberty Counsel at lc.org to get more details. January 23rd marked the 36th anniversary of Roe v. Wade and to "honor" that President Obama signed an executive order rescinding the "Mexico City" policy which banned federal funding for overseas abortion. FOCA would overturn every state law putting any restriction on abortion (parental consent, informed consent, partial birth ban, everything). For example, if informed consent were removed those who administered abortions would not be able to tell the woman anything about the procedure or the risk it has for her physically, they'd just have to do it without question. And what really concerns me as a future pharmacist is that it would deny us (health providers) the right to object to participate in the act - so essentially if I refused to dispense the abortion pill I would be fired from my job! It's ironic that the "Freedom of Choice Act" takes away my freedom to abstain from something that I believe to be disgusting, immoral, and a sin. At least the previous legal situation regarding abortion included everyone's rights - the "pro-choice"ers could choose to get abortions, and the "pro-life"ers could choose not to get involved in that process. Please, if you have any questions, go to this site:
http://www.libertyaction.org/297/petition.asp?pid=19426445
And please sign this petition!!!
"The 10 who speak up are far louder than the 10,000 who remain silent."
unfortunate frustrations
I hate it when home, the place I go to get away from frustrations, becomes the frustration. I love my family, but they're being difficult. So, half of the reason I came home this weekend was to hear my former pastor Dave Stout speaking because he was awesome and I missed him & his wife. And I thought my family would be just as excited that he was coming back. Especially Mom because she left the church due to our current pastor's incessant sports references and contemporary style. Yeah, they just didn't care. I fully understand not going to church if you get very little sleep, but as of right now they've all gone to bed in time to get a full 8 hours and still have time to get ready for 2nd service. So basically I'm surprised that they just don't want to see Pastor Stout, and it sucks that they definitely don't see how it's depressing to me that I have to go to church by myself every time. (Side note: Dad is the exception to this blog; I have no problems with him right now unless he gives his cold virus to me. Then we'd have a BIG problem. Chemo test + viral infection = EPIC FAIL!) Anywho, it's just sad that our "Christian" family doesn't even go to church together when we have the opportunity. So, even as I finish surfing the net and get ready for bed, I still haven't decided if I'm even gonna go tomorrow. Guess we'll see how I'm feeling when my alarm goes off in the morning.
Secondly, I'm frustrated with myself for hoping that Chrissy and I would get along really well this weekend. I mean, I get that we're not uber close and don't have tons of stuff in common, but it still hits me every time we see each other that our personalities are polar opposites. I don't expect us to be the kind of sisters who are best friends, but that doesn't make it suck any less when within the first 5 minutes of seeing me this weekend she already managed to hurt my feelings. I was telling her how I wanted to name my cat Jasper, like from Twilight - see previous blog for background story - and she just goes, "well, you just killed that name for me". Yeah, awesome Chris, that's a happy statement to start off our time together. She doesn't get that her words affect people, even the simple statements like that. And after living with me her whole life I guess I thought she'd learned that I'm a sensitive person and things like that rub me the wrong way. I'm not trying to turn this into a huge argument or anything, it's just a downer that I really didn't need right now.
[Yes, Chrissy, I realize you can read this blog. But I don't care because it's my place to vent my true feelings. It's better if I write it all out so it doesn't circulate in my head all night, and this way I won't take it out on you when I see you in the morning.]
Happy thoughts to end the blog:
- I'm still Riley's favorite! I love the fact that pets have no memory and just love you unconditionally every time you see them.
- Mom is in love with my Chemotherapeutics textbook and wants to read it for fun, which I find pretty darn hilarious!
- Dad gets dumb ideas when he's on cold meds - he wanted to call Chrissy last night to ask her if she was drunk yet. Good grief. lol.
- Super Bowl party tomorrow! I appreciate social events even more as the semesters go by and Pharmacy school continues to try and suck out my soul.
- I made dinner tonight and it tasted frickin' amazing! Yep, Bruschetta Chicken Bake, the recipe is on the back of the Stove Top stuffing (for chicken) box if you want it. lol. (I recommend adding cream of chicken soup & pre-cooking the chicken.)
Thursday, January 29, 2009
external hard drive
Using this as my "external hard drive" so I can make room for cramming P'col in for my test tomorrow! Time to empty some thoughts...
*First test of the semester tomorrow...blah. I'm anxious and not feeling prepared yet. My fault for not developing good study habits, no matter how many times I say "this semester will be different"....
*I'm super excited to go home this weekend!!!! I miss home. And I miss having a schedule that allows me to go home more often without feeling guilty about taking time away from studying. But I get to see the fam (yes, the whole fam, even Chrissy!), and we'll probably do bday stuff for my mom. And our pastor that left the church about 6 years ago is filling in on Sunday. He's always been my favorite, so I'm really excited so see him and his cute little wife!
*I learned to knit last weekend, and I'm almost done with my very first scarf! Yay me! Knitting is way more fun than I thought it would be. Seriously. Especially for someone like me who needs to be doing something with her hands while watching TV or movies. Plus it's perfect timing to give my very first scarf to Mom for her bday present! Just gotta put some shiny beads on it....I got my love of shiny objects from her, no lie....
*I've been doing very well lately being single. Truthfully, I've barely thought anything about it with all of the pharmacy craziness going on. But I'm feeling stupid today because I'm excited that this guy I used to have a minor crush on really wants me to come to his Super Bowl party. Grr, I hate it when these feelings come up and there's no basis for them except for the fact that he's cute and I'm ridiculous. I've been doing so well with not wasting my time thinking about such things, but it feels so good to have a crush! Oh well. Maybe it'll wear off soon. lol.
*So, I think if I get a boy kitten for my apartment next year, I'm going to name him Jasper! See, the plan all along has been to name it after a drug, specifically an anti-depressant because that's the effect animals have on me. BUT, all my fellow Twilight addicts know that Jasper can change peoples' moods even better than drugs! lol. So yep, we're aiming for a boy kitty. We'll see. Hehe.
*I play tennis regularly now, every Tuesday night for an hour, and I feel pretty good about myself. It's been extra hard for me to motivate myself to drive to the gym since I'm always mentally exhausted from classes, and I feel like even going to the gym cuts out a huge chunk of study time. But this has been really aerobic and FUN! I forgot how much I love tennis, and it's awesome that Ash and I are pretty evenly-matched, so we've both been working on getting our high school skills back. lol.
*I started reading this book called "The Rest of God" by Mark Buchanan. It's about learning to appreciate rest and honor the idea of the Sabbath, and also about how quiet times help you seek the rest of God that you've been missing out on when life gets crazy. I'm only through the first chapter, but it's already testing me spiritually because the first chapter is about learning to love work before being able to rest from it. I need to appreciate the opportunity God's given me to be in Pharmacy school and to learn all of these things that I can use to help other people. It's hard because I just go around with a hateful attitude towards it, but really it's something that I'm privileged to be a part of, and if I keep up a good attitude it'll make learning more fun and my stuyding more productive. Wish me luck!
Ok, I think it's all out now. Back to the exciting world of Pharmacology!
*First test of the semester tomorrow...blah. I'm anxious and not feeling prepared yet. My fault for not developing good study habits, no matter how many times I say "this semester will be different"....
*I'm super excited to go home this weekend!!!! I miss home. And I miss having a schedule that allows me to go home more often without feeling guilty about taking time away from studying. But I get to see the fam (yes, the whole fam, even Chrissy!), and we'll probably do bday stuff for my mom. And our pastor that left the church about 6 years ago is filling in on Sunday. He's always been my favorite, so I'm really excited so see him and his cute little wife!
*I learned to knit last weekend, and I'm almost done with my very first scarf! Yay me! Knitting is way more fun than I thought it would be. Seriously. Especially for someone like me who needs to be doing something with her hands while watching TV or movies. Plus it's perfect timing to give my very first scarf to Mom for her bday present! Just gotta put some shiny beads on it....I got my love of shiny objects from her, no lie....
*I've been doing very well lately being single. Truthfully, I've barely thought anything about it with all of the pharmacy craziness going on. But I'm feeling stupid today because I'm excited that this guy I used to have a minor crush on really wants me to come to his Super Bowl party. Grr, I hate it when these feelings come up and there's no basis for them except for the fact that he's cute and I'm ridiculous. I've been doing so well with not wasting my time thinking about such things, but it feels so good to have a crush! Oh well. Maybe it'll wear off soon. lol.
*So, I think if I get a boy kitten for my apartment next year, I'm going to name him Jasper! See, the plan all along has been to name it after a drug, specifically an anti-depressant because that's the effect animals have on me. BUT, all my fellow Twilight addicts know that Jasper can change peoples' moods even better than drugs! lol. So yep, we're aiming for a boy kitty. We'll see. Hehe.
*I play tennis regularly now, every Tuesday night for an hour, and I feel pretty good about myself. It's been extra hard for me to motivate myself to drive to the gym since I'm always mentally exhausted from classes, and I feel like even going to the gym cuts out a huge chunk of study time. But this has been really aerobic and FUN! I forgot how much I love tennis, and it's awesome that Ash and I are pretty evenly-matched, so we've both been working on getting our high school skills back. lol.
*I started reading this book called "The Rest of God" by Mark Buchanan. It's about learning to appreciate rest and honor the idea of the Sabbath, and also about how quiet times help you seek the rest of God that you've been missing out on when life gets crazy. I'm only through the first chapter, but it's already testing me spiritually because the first chapter is about learning to love work before being able to rest from it. I need to appreciate the opportunity God's given me to be in Pharmacy school and to learn all of these things that I can use to help other people. It's hard because I just go around with a hateful attitude towards it, but really it's something that I'm privileged to be a part of, and if I keep up a good attitude it'll make learning more fun and my stuyding more productive. Wish me luck!
Ok, I think it's all out now. Back to the exciting world of Pharmacology!
Sunday, January 25, 2009
only one can understand
Well, today I'm on the losing side of my ever-present battle. Sometimes I do well with fighting to stay happy. Some days it's easier to be thankful and pleasant and patient and hopeful. Today is not one of those days. I'm freezing and anxious and depressed and frustrated. And the suckiest part is that I feel like I know the reasons behind my unhappiness but can't find the motivation or the way to fix them. Well, ideally I'd be relying on God to help me, but my faith is so weak right now that I keep trying to turn things around on my own, which has never worked out for me before so I don't know why I keep repeating that mistake. I frustrate myself to no end. And pharmacy school is a beast, and only getting harder by the hour. And I'm eternally behind as far as studying goes. Grrr! Life just gets harder because I'm so apathetic. I know that if I really got my spiritual life back on track things would be easier. So I guess that's my goal. And while I'm working on that, my secondary goal is to just not freak out about things that I can't fix, or that can't be changed right this instant. I'm also sad because it was brought to my attention today that it's my last semester on campus. I had forgotten. Not that I'm not excited to be out of dinky Big Rapids, but nothing will be the same after this semester and I'm upset and anxious about so many changes looming in the near future. And without my support system of friends here in town and on campus I'm not sure how my depression is going to fare. I just have to drill it into my tiny brain that God is in control of my life and has plans for me. He's always there even when I don't acknowledge him, and nothing I do can change the way he loves me.
"No One Else Knows" ~Building 429
My world is closing in
On the inside
But I’m not showing it
When all I am is crying out
I hold it in and fake a smile
Still I’m broken
I’m broken
Only one can understand
And only one can hold the hand
Of the broken
Of the broken
When no one else knows how I feel
Your love for me is proven real
When no one else cares where I’ve been
You run to me with outstretched hands
And You hold me in your arms
Again
I need no explanation of why me
I just need confirmation
Only You could understand
The emptiness inside my head
I am falling
I am falling
I’m falling down upon my knees
To find the one who gives me peace
I am flying
Lord I am flying
When no one else knows how I feel
Your love for me is proven real
When no one else cares where I’ve been
You run to me with outstretched hands
And You hold me in Your arms
Again
I have come to you in search of faith
Cause I can’t see beyond this place
Oh You are God and I am man
So I’ll leave it in Your hands
"No One Else Knows" ~Building 429
My world is closing in
On the inside
But I’m not showing it
When all I am is crying out
I hold it in and fake a smile
Still I’m broken
I’m broken
Only one can understand
And only one can hold the hand
Of the broken
Of the broken
When no one else knows how I feel
Your love for me is proven real
When no one else cares where I’ve been
You run to me with outstretched hands
And You hold me in your arms
Again
I need no explanation of why me
I just need confirmation
Only You could understand
The emptiness inside my head
I am falling
I am falling
I’m falling down upon my knees
To find the one who gives me peace
I am flying
Lord I am flying
When no one else knows how I feel
Your love for me is proven real
When no one else cares where I’ve been
You run to me with outstretched hands
And You hold me in Your arms
Again
I have come to you in search of faith
Cause I can’t see beyond this place
Oh You are God and I am man
So I’ll leave it in Your hands
Thursday, January 22, 2009
time flies...
...when you're having...fun?
It's only the second week of school and I'm already super busy! Still trying to develop an efficient routine for the semester, but it's definitely feeling like I'm back in the groove as far as classes and BR social events go.
The pharmacy stuff still isn't too scary so far. I just got my Chemo book in the mail today (finally!), so I'm feeling less anxious now that I can delve into some hardcore reading. I hate feeling behind, especially this early in the game. And I'm caught up on recopying notes, which didn't happen last week. Sorry this stuff sounds so boring. It's just a big deal because I'm trying to focus on the things I do well school-wise, and not just being all stressed out and anxious because other people seem more studious than I do.
I've been trying to get more involved with pharmacy-related (yet not class/studying-related) activities. I'm doing 4 hours of volunteer work selling clothing for ASHP's fundraiser. And I'm heading up the volunteering for the Christian Pharmacists Fellowship that was just started this semester. I'm trying to be a little more proactive with my life. I tend to be one of those people who goes to meetings and then claims I belong to something. So yeah, working on it.
It's definitely great being back with my friends. Even though the drama has already started up again (not bad drama, per say, just normal drama. lol), it's still fun to be around people who can take my mind off studying and who make me feel worthy/wanted.
Going home tends to make me slightly more anxious than relaxed this year, but I'm still really excited to head back next weekend to hear my old pastor preaching. He left the church in 2003 (I think) cuz he got really sick. He's always been my favorite; nobody we've had since has had that same gentle, kind-hearted, grandfather-like spirit about them. So yeah, he's filling in on Feb. 1st and it'll be so awesome to hear him and see his sweet little wife again. Yay! Extra bonus: it's Mom's birthday that week so I get to celebrate with her while I'm home! Yep, should be a good weekend.....as long as I can temporarily forget that Kreuger's Med Chem exam is that Wednesday.....[shudder].....
p.s. I'm taking a poll! I need help naming the kitty that I don't have yet. lol. I'm gonna adopt a kitten from a shelter to live with me in my Kzoo apartment next year. I need some boy names and some girl names, so help me out if you can! Gracias :o)
It's only the second week of school and I'm already super busy! Still trying to develop an efficient routine for the semester, but it's definitely feeling like I'm back in the groove as far as classes and BR social events go.
The pharmacy stuff still isn't too scary so far. I just got my Chemo book in the mail today (finally!), so I'm feeling less anxious now that I can delve into some hardcore reading. I hate feeling behind, especially this early in the game. And I'm caught up on recopying notes, which didn't happen last week. Sorry this stuff sounds so boring. It's just a big deal because I'm trying to focus on the things I do well school-wise, and not just being all stressed out and anxious because other people seem more studious than I do.
I've been trying to get more involved with pharmacy-related (yet not class/studying-related) activities. I'm doing 4 hours of volunteer work selling clothing for ASHP's fundraiser. And I'm heading up the volunteering for the Christian Pharmacists Fellowship that was just started this semester. I'm trying to be a little more proactive with my life. I tend to be one of those people who goes to meetings and then claims I belong to something. So yeah, working on it.
It's definitely great being back with my friends. Even though the drama has already started up again (not bad drama, per say, just normal drama. lol), it's still fun to be around people who can take my mind off studying and who make me feel worthy/wanted.
Going home tends to make me slightly more anxious than relaxed this year, but I'm still really excited to head back next weekend to hear my old pastor preaching. He left the church in 2003 (I think) cuz he got really sick. He's always been my favorite; nobody we've had since has had that same gentle, kind-hearted, grandfather-like spirit about them. So yeah, he's filling in on Feb. 1st and it'll be so awesome to hear him and see his sweet little wife again. Yay! Extra bonus: it's Mom's birthday that week so I get to celebrate with her while I'm home! Yep, should be a good weekend.....as long as I can temporarily forget that Kreuger's Med Chem exam is that Wednesday.....[shudder].....
p.s. I'm taking a poll! I need help naming the kitty that I don't have yet. lol. I'm gonna adopt a kitten from a shelter to live with me in my Kzoo apartment next year. I need some boy names and some girl names, so help me out if you can! Gracias :o)
Monday, January 19, 2009
girl talk
There was definitely a LOT of girl talk that went down tonight - craziness!! It's amazing all of the things that happen in my friends' lives that I'm not even aware of. Despite everything they've experienced, they seem to take it all in stride and realize how God has fit it into His plan for their lives. I'm definitely impressed by that because sometimes I'm not so level-headed - sometimes it's easy for me to just use "that must have been part of God's plan" as a reasoning behind things. But anyways, I admire the way my friends have grown in their faith during the time I've known them, and also how they've developed over the years into such strong women character-wise. It just makes me hope that my friends have the same confidence in me as I do in them. It's definitely always been on of my weaknesses that I'm not able to praise myself for any good qualities because all I see are the flaws. Not necessarily in the sense of seeing physical flaws when I look in a mirror (although that's always an issue in the back of my mind), but it's more about realizing how far I am from being the person I wish I was. I don't usually remember that I should look at myself how God looks at me - as an inevitably flawed human who is still beautiful in His sight - because even though I know this to be true in His eyes, I can't see it from my perspective. I've never had this thought before, but I guess I must not think of myself as worthy of any sort of praise. I don't necessarily have a hard time taking compliments, I just don't believe them 100% when they're given. Grrr, this is kinda getting off track from what I was planning on writing, but I'm just typing things as they go through my head, sorry. So anyways, the connection to tonight was that these girls amaze me with the way they handle things, especially boy situations, and I hope that people sometimes look up to me too. Not that I'm fishing for compliments, but maybe I need to hear more often that I have good qualities. Maybe I just get caught up in the tangled web of negative thoughts that I've woven inside my head, and it's never balanced out by positive thoughts from others. Maybe that's why I go home so often because I know I'll get that from my mom. Maybe that's why I'm so pathetically jealous of any romatic situations or relationships my friends are involved in, because then it's evident that the guy sees great things in them that maybe they aren't able to see themselves, and they get the positive feedback that I'm longing for. But then again.....I obviously shouldn't rely on others to build up my self-image. That's just stupid. I know I have good qualities, so maybe it's really more about being desired and worthy rather than just getting positive feedback. I want to be pursued. It continues to be a struggle to watch it happen all around me. Whatever, time to stop complaining. This post is quite the jumble of thoughts. Sorry 'bout that. But the whole purpose of this blog is to get things out of my head, so there it was. Time to get off here now so I can rest up for my day full of studying. Joy.*SIDE NOTE: I just re-read this post (tuesday 12:02am) and had to make some interesting grammar edits. Things turn out weird when I blog half-asleep. :oP
Sunday, January 18, 2009
good to be back
Well, so far the semester is off to a good start! It's soooooo much fun to be back with my goofy school friends. They're ridiculous, and I missed it over break. I love being back into the routine of knowing exactly when I'll see people, and I'm definitely loving all the college groups starting back up again (Real Life, Supper Club, Life Force, etc) and the new group (Christian Pharmacists Fellowship) that just started out with a great first meeting on Thursday. Without these groups I would be lost and probably very, very depressed. The hugs and laughter are essential when I'm barely keeping my head above water in the pharmacy program. So yeah, if you're reading this and you're one of these people....thanks for making Big Rapids a lot less depressing! lol.
The school part is also off to a relatively good start. (Although I can't help feeling behind already...but that's just typical me. I need to learn to be happy with myself for the stuff that I do accomplish). Anywho, it's definitely a blessing that I was able to stick it out this summer because now I only have 12 credits and I'm 2 classes lighter than everyone else! Now I have no excuse not to find time to study, so I'll definitely be praying for diligence when it comes to pharmacy type things. I have a feeling Chemo isn't going to terrify me until after the first test. Right now the only real problem I have with it is that Kreuger goes too fast for me to write everything down, so re-listening to lectures is going to be critical with this class. And reading the textbook will be both essential and difficult as well. A huge test for my attention span, no doubt. Wish me luck! lol. And Med Chem and P'col are pretty much exactly the same as last semester - almost all of the same profs, and the 2 classes line up almost exactly with the subject material - so that's gonna be manageable I think. And lab is lab. Blah. Whatever.
So yep, this semester will throw me just about the exact same challenges as last semester with the addition of Chemo to terrify me. But I'm ready to face it head on because I know I have no choice but to keep on top of things so I don't fail the class. Just gotta get 'er done. Yep. And I'm looking forward to more crazy/awkward/strange/exciting/dramatic/memorable adventures with my friends!
The school part is also off to a relatively good start. (Although I can't help feeling behind already...but that's just typical me. I need to learn to be happy with myself for the stuff that I do accomplish). Anywho, it's definitely a blessing that I was able to stick it out this summer because now I only have 12 credits and I'm 2 classes lighter than everyone else! Now I have no excuse not to find time to study, so I'll definitely be praying for diligence when it comes to pharmacy type things. I have a feeling Chemo isn't going to terrify me until after the first test. Right now the only real problem I have with it is that Kreuger goes too fast for me to write everything down, so re-listening to lectures is going to be critical with this class. And reading the textbook will be both essential and difficult as well. A huge test for my attention span, no doubt. Wish me luck! lol. And Med Chem and P'col are pretty much exactly the same as last semester - almost all of the same profs, and the 2 classes line up almost exactly with the subject material - so that's gonna be manageable I think. And lab is lab. Blah. Whatever.
So yep, this semester will throw me just about the exact same challenges as last semester with the addition of Chemo to terrify me. But I'm ready to face it head on because I know I have no choice but to keep on top of things so I don't fail the class. Just gotta get 'er done. Yep. And I'm looking forward to more crazy/awkward/strange/exciting/dramatic/memorable adventures with my friends!
Sunday, January 4, 2009
couch potato update
Wow, Christmas break is 2/3 over! I can't believe it! So I thought I'd update you all on what I've been up to.
First of all, Christmas definitely lacked the childhood wonder, but it was still very relaxing and it automatically makes me happy to see Christmas lights up everywhere. So it was still fun overall. And I'm writing this blog from my new laptop!!!!! I got the Dell one I wanted w/ the drug design on it - I'm such a pharmacy geek! lol.
Secondly, I turned 22! Yay! It was a pretty fun birthday because I kept busy. I went to Uno's in Bay City w/ the fam for dinner, which is one of my favorite restaurants. Then we did presents, and I got the expensive Coach watch I'd been looking at!!! I can't believe my parents spent that much money!!! But it was my only present besides the $25 Zune money Chrissy got me. I'm excited though cuz I haven't had a good watch in a very long time, and it's a beautiful one. We also had gourmet cupcakes instead of a birthday cake, and I got to pick a bunch of different flavors. We ate them and had family bonding time while watching Big Bang Theory - it's frickin' hilarious!!! Love that show. Then I got to hang out with friends for awhile, which is always fun since we're hardly ever home at the same time.
And now my parents & Chrissy & her bff are in Florida without me. Sad. Well, can't complain cuz I chose not to go. It's really not my idea of fun - I don't like tanning, I hate swimming, I can only shop for a few hours before I get bored, our family can't be together that long without bickering a little (and tension is the last thing I need on my break) - so yeah, it's not too bad having the house to myself, but I do miss them.
p.s. The Jonas Brothers have a new TV show coming out soon and a 3D movie in February!!! JoBros fan 4 life! lol.
...grr, now my cat is trying to sit on my new laptop....
Anywho, break is fun and I'm not quite ready to go back to school even though I miss my BR friends a lot.
First of all, Christmas definitely lacked the childhood wonder, but it was still very relaxing and it automatically makes me happy to see Christmas lights up everywhere. So it was still fun overall. And I'm writing this blog from my new laptop!!!!! I got the Dell one I wanted w/ the drug design on it - I'm such a pharmacy geek! lol.
Secondly, I turned 22! Yay! It was a pretty fun birthday because I kept busy. I went to Uno's in Bay City w/ the fam for dinner, which is one of my favorite restaurants. Then we did presents, and I got the expensive Coach watch I'd been looking at!!! I can't believe my parents spent that much money!!! But it was my only present besides the $25 Zune money Chrissy got me. I'm excited though cuz I haven't had a good watch in a very long time, and it's a beautiful one. We also had gourmet cupcakes instead of a birthday cake, and I got to pick a bunch of different flavors. We ate them and had family bonding time while watching Big Bang Theory - it's frickin' hilarious!!! Love that show. Then I got to hang out with friends for awhile, which is always fun since we're hardly ever home at the same time.
And now my parents & Chrissy & her bff are in Florida without me. Sad. Well, can't complain cuz I chose not to go. It's really not my idea of fun - I don't like tanning, I hate swimming, I can only shop for a few hours before I get bored, our family can't be together that long without bickering a little (and tension is the last thing I need on my break) - so yeah, it's not too bad having the house to myself, but I do miss them.
p.s. The Jonas Brothers have a new TV show coming out soon and a 3D movie in February!!! JoBros fan 4 life! lol.
...grr, now my cat is trying to sit on my new laptop....
Anywho, break is fun and I'm not quite ready to go back to school even though I miss my BR friends a lot.
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