only one can understand

Well, today I'm on the losing side of my ever-present battle. Sometimes I do well with fighting to stay happy. Some days it's easier to be thankful and pleasant and patient and hopeful. Today is not one of those days. I'm freezing and anxious and depressed and frustrated. And the suckiest part is that I feel like I know the reasons behind my unhappiness but can't find the motivation or the way to fix them. Well, ideally I'd be relying on God to help me, but my faith is so weak right now that I keep trying to turn things around on my own, which has never worked out for me before so I don't know why I keep repeating that mistake. I frustrate myself to no end. And pharmacy school is a beast, and only getting harder by the hour. And I'm eternally behind as far as studying goes. Grrr! Life just gets harder because I'm so apathetic. I know that if I really got my spiritual life back on track things would be easier. So I guess that's my goal. And while I'm working on that, my secondary goal is to just not freak out about things that I can't fix, or that can't be changed right this instant. I'm also sad because it was brought to my attention today that it's my last semester on campus. I had forgotten. Not that I'm not excited to be out of dinky Big Rapids, but nothing will be the same after this semester and I'm upset and anxious about so many changes looming in the near future. And without my support system of friends here in town and on campus I'm not sure how my depression is going to fare. I just have to drill it into my tiny brain that God is in control of my life and has plans for me. He's always there even when I don't acknowledge him, and nothing I do can change the way he loves me.

"No One Else Knows" ~Building 429
My world is closing in
On the inside
But I’m not showing it
When all I am is crying out
I hold it in and fake a smile
Still I’m broken
I’m broken
Only one can understand
And only one can hold the hand
Of the broken
Of the broken

When no one else knows how I feel
Your love for me is proven real
When no one else cares where I’ve been
You run to me with outstretched hands
And You hold me in your arms
Again

I need no explanation of why me
I just need confirmation
Only You could understand
The emptiness inside my head
I am falling
I am falling
I’m falling down upon my knees
To find the one who gives me peace
I am flying
Lord I am flying

When no one else knows how I feel
Your love for me is proven real
When no one else cares where I’ve been
You run to me with outstretched hands
And You hold me in Your arms
Again

I have come to you in search of faith
Cause I can’t see beyond this place
Oh You are God and I am man
So I’ll leave it in Your hands