weekend wrap-up

Well, Thanksgiving weekend has come and gone. Can't decide if I'm grateful for the break, or if I'm mad cuz it made it even harder to survive the 3 weeks til Christmas break! Now I know what I can't have just yet. lol. Here's a little recap of my weekend:

* Got to see some friends I haven't seen in awhile, which is fun. It's weird though, because we've all changed so much since high school. I'm not sure what they're really like anymore on a daily basis. And there are some people I've just grown apart from. *sigh* I never used to understand that phrase - "we've grown apart" - until recently. I can see how people have changed, but I usually don't think about how I've changed too, how I've developed even more as an individual in my likes/dislikes and my personality. So now there are certain people I just don't click with anymore. It sucks because we once had so much in common, and now it's just kinda awkward and not working out. Oh well, I guess the good part is that growing apart from old friends makes more room for the new ones.

* Basically my parents still treat me like I'm 10 years old. Yep. Not sure I wanna live at home during my rotations anymore. It might not be such a good idea.

* Thanksgiving as a holiday is not all it's cracked up to be when you don't actually have more than your immediate family to spend it with. I'm sad that all of my relatives live so far away, because that's who I'd really like to be with on Thanksgiving, not just the people I see all the time and some family friends around the corner.

* On a happy note: I'm a double bridesmaid!!! Yay!!! I'm gonna be a busy girl this summer. lol. I'm really excited though, for both weddings. :oD Here are pics of the two dresses I get to wear.

<---for Sarah's wedding
<---for Rebekah's wedding (except the bow is orange)


* AND I got my hair chopped off on Friday!!!!! It's so weird, I've never had it this short in my life, but I LOVE it!!!!!! hehe




Ok, that's about all my news from this weekend. I'll write back later when I'm completely freaking out about exams/finals. :oP

a song to voice my heart's desire

I just got back from Elevate (one of the student ministry groups I go to) and during worship they played a song that really hit home with me tonight. Funny thing is, it's one of their favorite songs so they play it at almost every meeting. I guess the words really sunk in this time because having a break from tests makes me more relaxed and receptive to God. I had a blast letting go and really getting into worship tonight because it was so easy to clear my mind. Anywho, here's what the song says:


I'm in a fight not physical
I'm in a war, but not with this world
You are the light that's beautiful
I want more, I want all that's yours

A joy unspeakable that won't go away
And just enough strength to live for today
So I'll never have to worry what tomorrow will bring
Cause my faith is on solid rock
I am counting on God


The last line is the hardest part to follow, yet that's what I need to strive for the most. It was amazing singing it during worship because I was in the right state of mind, but most of the time I'm so much of a mess that I'm the easiest person to turn away from God. I let all the little things get to me too easily. And when big things come along I get so wrapped up in trying to fix things myself that I completely forget that God is the one who's in control. He's got it covered, so what am I worrying for? I need to count on Him with all my strength, even when it's so hard to let go of control.

Another fault that I have is asking other people to pray for me, and then never actually praying about things myself. I totally believe in the power of prayer, I've just never gotten into the habit of praying to God on a regular basis, either in praise or when I need help. So friends, thanks for any prayers you've sent up on my behalf. Now it's time for me to try it out more often for myself. Wish me luck!

recent trials & tribulations

*sigh* Still having a hard time letting go of all the little bad things in my life that get me down. It's still the same old combo of things (sucky grades, lacking love, self-hatred, etc.), but to add to that I thought I'd found the perfect way to make some money next semester, and it fell through. So, there's a greenhouse on the end of the pharmacy building where they grow medicinal plants and harvest them so they can be used in labs and such. Well, on our online Pharmacy discussion board some guy posted about his current part-time position there becoming available next semester. It sounded so perfect because first of all I'll actually have time to work if I get a job. I only have 3 classes and 1 lab, which aren't easy by any means, but it leaves me room to get other things done too. And also, since it's a greenhouse/gardening job it combines my only previous work experience (The Dow Gardens) with my major! So yep, it sounded perfect. But it was filled only TWO FREAKING HOURS after the post was made!!!!!! I was pretty ticked off when some P1 girl told me that. Damn. It really would have been great. I feel like such a freaking bum b/c I don't pay for anything right now. I know I'm super privileged and lucky to have parents who are able to pay for my schooling and housing and food and such, but I'm 21 for goodness sakes! I should be making money! It's just frustrating b/c I know what it feels like to be making money, and now I can't have that. And I don't want to mooch off my parents all the time, it sucks big time. So anywho, bottom line is that my perfect job was snatched right out from under me. Grrrr.

Other issue = depression. I think I might actually call the Counseling Center soon. It's probably about that time. If I truly am depressed (which I don't doubt, but technically I've never been diagnosed), then I have an imbalance of neurotransmitters in my brain and it's not just some emotional thing that I can fix by myself. Believe me, I've tried. And I'd rather just deal with it myself than get other people, or medication, involved. But I can't fix it. I'll admit it. So maybe I should just get an appointment and see if it's worth looking into further treatment. I even drive myself crazy with my mood swings these days - I'm surprised that I still have friends b/c people should be sick of me by now! I'm ridiculous sometimes, and I hate it when I can go from perfectly fine one minute, to depressed/anxious/lonely/tired the next. And then there's the fact that when I'm in one of my moods, nothing is going to fix it. Food won't fix it, alone time won't fix it, sleeping won't fix it...and the last 2 things on my mind during episodes would be talking to someone about it or praying. Just not gonna happen when I'm in my downward spiral. And I don't think most people understand what I'm going through. To non-sufferers depression just looks like people are sad and can't get over it. Not the case by any means. It's truly a terrible place to be stuck in all the negative thoughts that are swirling around your mind, and not being able to get out or to be pulled out by anyone else. That's how it feels, whether you believe it or not. So yeah, this might be my time to get some actual help for it before it gets worse. We'll see.

Well, I'm sure there's more I could get off my chest right now...if I wasn't about to pass out from exhaustion. It's been a busy weekend. Ok, off to bed, hopefully waking up in a good mood b/c it's a short week and I get to go home soon!!!! Nite all.

check these things out!!!

Haha, so I found a new favorite animal!!! I know, I'm weird, oh well. (My old favorite animal used to be the wombat, btw). Anywho, every time I log out of my Yahoo email account it takes me to the Yahoo news page. So of course I'm reading along and I come across an article about how an animal was thought to be extinct, but was recently re-discovered in Indonesia! It's called a pygmy tarsier, and it's so goofy looking that it's adorable!!! Plus, anything that comes in a mini size is immediately appealing to me. lol. Here are some pics of the little guys!










Any opinions on my new little buddies?

Feel free to comment back w/ pics of your favorite animals!