in Christ alone my hope is found

God is so awesome!!!! It's unbelievable how he takes care of me when I feel like things are a complete mess. So, remember how I was saying that I might fail Med Chem? Well..... I PASSED!!!! And we even had the cutoff at 65% (instead of 60% where a D- normally ends), and I got a test average of 65.3%!!!! Totally a God thing. I mean I was FREAKING OUT during exam week, which my roommates can attest to (sorry girls!). And I studied like I hadn't studied all semester. And I prayed about it every time I started studying again after a break. So it's just a huge thrill to have such solid proof that God hears me when I'm a wreck and need him most, and he answered in just the way I needed at the time. Yay God! lol. It's still a kick in the butt though, only passing by 0.3%, and I'm sure God would like me to never forget how privileged I am to be in pharmacy school and how I should be making the most of it by studying as hard as I can.

As far as being home for break...well...I miss my BR friends!!! It's hard not having friends nearby everyday, and not knowing when I'll be able to hang out with people. At school that's not really a problem, but it's different trying to get people together here in Midland. I'm never sure what people are up to, or if they're even in town! And everyone knows I hate phones so I'm probably not going to call around and check on friends. But I gotta work on that. So yeah, besides the girls' Christmas tea on Thursday I haven't really seen anyone. And with all of the holidays and family plans stuck in between stuff I'm having a hard time figuring out when I'm going to visit people out of town. But I'm stupid for complaining, I'm on break for goodness sakes! It's a great thing when my hardest dilemma is figuring out exactly which day to hang out with friends! lol. So many good things are coming up - Christmas, Frankenmuth (probably a couple of times), IKEA, New Years, my 22nd birthday - gotta make the most of this break while I can, before the craziness of P2 2nd semester starts!

happy friends = happy me

I love it when friends have happy news! It makes me happy too! That is all.

just walk away

I'll admit it, I have a huge problem with holding onto unnecessary emotions. And it's taking a toll on me. I feel so worn out and indecisive. Sometimes it happens when I argue with people, and then I keep thinking for hours afterwards about what I should have said, how it could have gone differently, what will happen next, etc. Sometimes it happens when I'm trying to analyze how people will react to whatever decision I make next - I never want to make people mad cuz tension upsets me so much, but I never know what little things will set people off! I need to stop living my life based on how people may or may not react, it's driving me crazy! Today the clinging to emotions happened when I took my Med Chem final. I feel so defeated and like a giant failure. But there's absolutely nothing I can do about it now. It's done, I just have to wait and see how it turns out. Unfortunately, I'm pretty much incapable of walking away from a situation and saying "It's done, time to let it go." Doesn't happen. So I'm kinda still freaking out about how bad the test was, and going over in my mind what will happen if I actually fail the class. That'd be humiliating. I've never actually failed out of a class EVER. Tests, sure, but not a whole class! And then I'd have to retake it this summer, which would be both embarassing and torture b/c I already spent last summer here and it sucked. Ugh, ok, trying to refocus. I don't have time to dance these circles in my head, I still have 2 more finals to pass! Alright, back to studying.

study break

Just felt like using my study break to unload some thoughts. The IV Christmas Formal last night was awesome...I don't like to dress up all the time, but it was fun for one night! Got lots of funny pictures too --> see Facebook for details. hehe. I'm amazed today by the power of prayer. It's one thing I struggle with quite frequently - as in, I rarely remember to pray for anything, and I hate praying for myself - but today I decided to make sure I pray each time I get back into studying. And so far God's been awesome about it! I guess I always feel like He won't take my prayers seriously since I don't frequently send any His way, but that's silly cuz God cares about everything we do and desire. Within His will, of course. So anyways, I've been pretty darn focused today and I'm feeling better about Med Chem by the second. Maybe I won't fail after all! Yay! In other thoughts, the word I'd use to describe my mood in general today = wistful. "Full of wishful yearning; pensively sad; melancholy." Yeah, that's me. If you actually read this blog all the time, I bet you can guess why I'm wistful. And you'll understand this playlist that describes what I'm wishing for:

• "Believe In Me" ~Demi Lovato
• "Long Time Coming" ~Oliver James
• "You and Me" ~Lifehouse
• "When I See You Smile" ~Bad English
• "Everything" ~Michael Buble
• "Chasing Cars" ~Snow Patrol

Well anyways, just using this space to clear my head again and make it easier to cram in Pharmacy-type things. So there you have it. I apologize for my insistent blogging about my lack of a love life. Smack me upside the head when you get too sick of it, k?



*** just watched 2 Disney movies, and even they make me lonely! grrr***