I'm doing just fine. I'm adjusting well to my new apartment, even starting to like it a little. Kalamazoo isn't my ideal place to live, but it's not a horrible city and I'm not in a sketchy neighborhood. I feel relatively safe here and so far I haven't gotten lost. I'm able to find my classes and my IPPE just fine after being here one week. I've been to all of my classes once already and haven't quit or run out of the room crying - I take it as a good sign. I'm not failing anything. The class material is not impossible to understand, I just need to get used to the format in which they set everything up online. I'm going to be so much better at patient counseling and giving case presentations after this year. I just might develop those time management skills I've been lacking during college. Maybe. :o) I'll be more independent after this year than I ever have been, and will have more of the skills I need when I graduate and become a real adult - things like ordering cable & internet, paying rent, etc. And, even though it may not seem like it now, the best thing I think will happen to me this year is that it will really challenge my faith in God. I'm already learning to rely more on Him than ever, what with the daily mental breakdowns and crying sessions I've been having. But I obviously am good at worrying about nothing, and all of the petty things that upset me right now are nothing that God can't handle. I'm just going to calm myself down, breathe, and remember that there's nothing I can't do through Him. God loves me always and will help me with whatever I ask - study skills, relaxation, confidence, maturity, focus, positive thinking - everything is possible if I let Him into my heart and mind and put my life in His hands.
I think this may be the start of a brand new outlook for me. And my blogging will still be a way to calm myself down, but instead of writing out everything that's going wrong I will start writing about all of the things that are going right and about how God can help me get through this. So now, after organizing myself and sending up some prayers, it's time for me to get back to work! As Mom says, I'm going to "just do one more thing to make tomorrow easier." The best thing I can do is take it step by step and day by day. Ok...focus time!
♥ For I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength. ~Philippians 4:13
Monday, September 7, 2009
Saturday, September 5, 2009
i hate it here
Maybe I'm just having a bad day, or maybe my depression is getting the best of me, but so far I'm hating it here in Kalamazoo. I'm beyond lonely and I absolutely can't wait until this year is over and I don't have to live here anymore. There's no point in leaving my apartment because there's nobody to go anywhere and do fun stuff with. So basically I'm in class all day and then I come home to study alone in my apartment. This place will never feel like home, especially with most of my friends at least 2 hours away and my family 3 hours away. They say home is where the heart is and my heart is in Midland and Big Rapids.
I'm also hating P3 year so far. I've had a full week of classes so I've kinda gotten the gist of what everything's going to be like (except tests because I haven't had one yet). There are so many presentations this year and it's really freaking me out. I'm terrible at speaking in front of people. There's also so many pre-class assignments and readings that I can't even keep track! I thought having a planner would help, but it doesn't help because I'm having so much trouble even finding assignments all throughout Ferris Connect. It's so confusing and I'm probably going to miss some deadlines this semester. My attention span also hasn't improved at all. Even as I write this I should be studying. That was the intention for today, but so far it's not going so well.
It's Labor Day weekend and I don't have class again until Tuesday afternoon. I should be having some fun, right? Wrong. I decided not to go home in order to force myself to get caught up on classwork and possibly even get ahead on a couple of things. I'm an idiot. I'm sitting here in my apartment alone, crying, writing a blog in an attempt to get it all out of my head.......this sucks so bad I can't even explain it.
That's my week in a nutshell - an "I hate my life" kind of week. If anyone figures out a way to switch lives with someone else, please let me know!
I'm also hating P3 year so far. I've had a full week of classes so I've kinda gotten the gist of what everything's going to be like (except tests because I haven't had one yet). There are so many presentations this year and it's really freaking me out. I'm terrible at speaking in front of people. There's also so many pre-class assignments and readings that I can't even keep track! I thought having a planner would help, but it doesn't help because I'm having so much trouble even finding assignments all throughout Ferris Connect. It's so confusing and I'm probably going to miss some deadlines this semester. My attention span also hasn't improved at all. Even as I write this I should be studying. That was the intention for today, but so far it's not going so well.
It's Labor Day weekend and I don't have class again until Tuesday afternoon. I should be having some fun, right? Wrong. I decided not to go home in order to force myself to get caught up on classwork and possibly even get ahead on a couple of things. I'm an idiot. I'm sitting here in my apartment alone, crying, writing a blog in an attempt to get it all out of my head.......this sucks so bad I can't even explain it.
That's my week in a nutshell - an "I hate my life" kind of week. If anyone figures out a way to switch lives with someone else, please let me know!
Saturday, August 29, 2009
P3 Year in Kalamazoo
Here we go again. Another disgustingly hard year as a pharmacy grad student. Blah.
I'm pretty much all moved into my new apartment. It's not too shabby for just me. And I finally have cable and internet! I felt like an idiot trying to order it over the phone because I've never done it before, but I must have done it correctly because everything works! Yay! Just having some background noise is wonderful because I lived in a deathly silent apartment by myself for almost a week. All better now! I'm currently at home because I forgot a few things that were too big/expensive for Mom to mail (like every single jacket I own and my official white coat I need for lab and work...), but other than that I have my apartment set up the way I like it. I should put up pictures later...
I had orientation yesterday morning at Spindler Hall on Western Michigan University's campus, which is the building where almost all of my classes will be held. We also have our Therapeutics class across the street at MSU/KCMS, which is a clinic-type place affiliated with Michigan State and Ferris. And it's also (conveniently) the location for my Community IPPE! I'm relieved because it'll help me get familiar with the building for when I have classes there, and it's right across from Spindler so I won't ever get lost trying to go to work! If you know me, you know that I'm a nervous driver and terrified of driving around newer, bigger places. So I was obviously not looking forward to the prospect of getting lost in Kzoo. Right now I'm sticking to the few places I know - my apartment, Meijer, Spindler Hall, MSU/KCMS, and Sarah & Kevin's apartment!
The professors and older students kinda freaked me out at orientation as far as the curriculum goes. I'm easily stressed out, so getting this flood of information was overwhelming and made me wanna hide under a rock. I'm not as mature as most people think. I hate change. Hate it. And I freak out inside about every single little new thing I have to experience. All of these changes in such a short period of time are scaring me, but I really need to learn to just suck it up and deal with change. I'm ashamed that I get this worked up about it when I'm supposed to be a grad student and a medical professional. I don't feel professional in the least. Maybe after this year is over. We'll see. I really envy some of my classmates' ability to go with the flow and take charge in situations that make me really nervous. Hopefully I can learn to become better at adjusting and adapting this year. Pray for me!
That's about all for now. Once classes start up I might write again just to vent or de-stress.
I'm pretty much all moved into my new apartment. It's not too shabby for just me. And I finally have cable and internet! I felt like an idiot trying to order it over the phone because I've never done it before, but I must have done it correctly because everything works! Yay! Just having some background noise is wonderful because I lived in a deathly silent apartment by myself for almost a week. All better now! I'm currently at home because I forgot a few things that were too big/expensive for Mom to mail (like every single jacket I own and my official white coat I need for lab and work...), but other than that I have my apartment set up the way I like it. I should put up pictures later...
I had orientation yesterday morning at Spindler Hall on Western Michigan University's campus, which is the building where almost all of my classes will be held. We also have our Therapeutics class across the street at MSU/KCMS, which is a clinic-type place affiliated with Michigan State and Ferris. And it's also (conveniently) the location for my Community IPPE! I'm relieved because it'll help me get familiar with the building for when I have classes there, and it's right across from Spindler so I won't ever get lost trying to go to work! If you know me, you know that I'm a nervous driver and terrified of driving around newer, bigger places. So I was obviously not looking forward to the prospect of getting lost in Kzoo. Right now I'm sticking to the few places I know - my apartment, Meijer, Spindler Hall, MSU/KCMS, and Sarah & Kevin's apartment!
The professors and older students kinda freaked me out at orientation as far as the curriculum goes. I'm easily stressed out, so getting this flood of information was overwhelming and made me wanna hide under a rock. I'm not as mature as most people think. I hate change. Hate it. And I freak out inside about every single little new thing I have to experience. All of these changes in such a short period of time are scaring me, but I really need to learn to just suck it up and deal with change. I'm ashamed that I get this worked up about it when I'm supposed to be a grad student and a medical professional. I don't feel professional in the least. Maybe after this year is over. We'll see. I really envy some of my classmates' ability to go with the flow and take charge in situations that make me really nervous. Hopefully I can learn to become better at adjusting and adapting this year. Pray for me!
That's about all for now. Once classes start up I might write again just to vent or de-stress.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
what!?! summer is 1/3 over already!?!
Wow, June has gone by ridiculously fast! Not quite sure if that's a good thing or not.....probably not because I want my last free summer to be looooong and full of fun stuff! Here's what's been up so far:
Can't remember if I wrote about this before, but the Fay's wedding was beautiful! I had fun being a bridesmaid and I think that everything went off without a hitch and it was pretty darn drama-free. The location was absolutely gorgeous, and so was Sarah!
I did my Institutional IPPE during the first 3 weeks of June @ Saginaw Covenant Cooper Pharmacy. It was....interesting...I guess. Well, my preceptor was a nice guy, but he pretty much ditched me after the first 3ish days. Not cool. Why would you sign up to be a preceptor if you don't even teach the student anything? But the rest of the staff was very friendly. This one tech named Wende was super nice and kinda became my mentor while I was there. She showed me the ropes of what a tech normally does, and she answered all of my stupid questions. Hehe. But the pharmacists were kinda too busy to teach me anything. I did some "observing" where I watched them click around on their computers while they entered orders and checked on patient stuff, but nobody really explained much and I felt really in the way. So it wasn't a hard IPPE, but I did spend a lot of time standing around being useless because nobody bothered to keep teaching me after the first few days. But at least it's over with, so now I don't have anymore major responsibilities for the summer.
My job this summer is just to do yard work and housework for my parents...and they're paying me for it! Silly people, but I'm not complaining! I need to step up my game though. It's easy to get stuff done when my parents aren't around cuz it feels more like my house, but when they're home I feel less of a responsibility to clean up around the house. Oh well, I'm trying to be more of a help than I have been recently.
Kelly and I went to Big Rapids this past weekend!!! It started out kinda sucky. We couldn't get ahold of anyone, it was so frustrating! But we ended up having a fun game night on Saturday, and Sunday was a blast with church, tubing, movies, etc. I LOVE MY FRIENDS! Yep. I get sooooo lonely here in Midland because I have basically no best friends here. I have close friends, but none that I can really tell everything to. So it was really exciting to see my besties in BR and do some catching up. I'm hoping to go back REALLY soon.
I was guaranteed the apartment I wanted for my year in Kzoo coming up! Yay! I think I put up some pics in a previous blog post, go check it out. I haven't gotten to put down a deposit or sign a lease yet, but they're holding one for me that has all of my preferences (2nd/3rd floor, woods view). Yay! If you're reading this you should plan on coming to visit me so you can see it in person!
That's probably all for now.
Does anyone actually read this? Just curious. Sometimes it's good to just write and get stuff out of my head, but I never know if it matters to anyone else. Lol.
OK, buh bye!
Can't remember if I wrote about this before, but the Fay's wedding was beautiful! I had fun being a bridesmaid and I think that everything went off without a hitch and it was pretty darn drama-free. The location was absolutely gorgeous, and so was Sarah!
I did my Institutional IPPE during the first 3 weeks of June @ Saginaw Covenant Cooper Pharmacy. It was....interesting...I guess. Well, my preceptor was a nice guy, but he pretty much ditched me after the first 3ish days. Not cool. Why would you sign up to be a preceptor if you don't even teach the student anything? But the rest of the staff was very friendly. This one tech named Wende was super nice and kinda became my mentor while I was there. She showed me the ropes of what a tech normally does, and she answered all of my stupid questions. Hehe. But the pharmacists were kinda too busy to teach me anything. I did some "observing" where I watched them click around on their computers while they entered orders and checked on patient stuff, but nobody really explained much and I felt really in the way. So it wasn't a hard IPPE, but I did spend a lot of time standing around being useless because nobody bothered to keep teaching me after the first few days. But at least it's over with, so now I don't have anymore major responsibilities for the summer.
My job this summer is just to do yard work and housework for my parents...and they're paying me for it! Silly people, but I'm not complaining! I need to step up my game though. It's easy to get stuff done when my parents aren't around cuz it feels more like my house, but when they're home I feel less of a responsibility to clean up around the house. Oh well, I'm trying to be more of a help than I have been recently.
Kelly and I went to Big Rapids this past weekend!!! It started out kinda sucky. We couldn't get ahold of anyone, it was so frustrating! But we ended up having a fun game night on Saturday, and Sunday was a blast with church, tubing, movies, etc. I LOVE MY FRIENDS! Yep. I get sooooo lonely here in Midland because I have basically no best friends here. I have close friends, but none that I can really tell everything to. So it was really exciting to see my besties in BR and do some catching up. I'm hoping to go back REALLY soon.
I was guaranteed the apartment I wanted for my year in Kzoo coming up! Yay! I think I put up some pics in a previous blog post, go check it out. I haven't gotten to put down a deposit or sign a lease yet, but they're holding one for me that has all of my preferences (2nd/3rd floor, woods view). Yay! If you're reading this you should plan on coming to visit me so you can see it in person!
That's probably all for now.
Does anyone actually read this? Just curious. Sometimes it's good to just write and get stuff out of my head, but I never know if it matters to anyone else. Lol.
OK, buh bye!
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