Unfortunately, watching movies like this also makes me very sad. It just reminds me of the one thing I want most and can't have (yet)....♥LOVE♥. Even though Bella & Edward are fictional characters, and it's just an on-screen relationship, it's painful to sit there and watch someone else fall in love when I don't get that chance. I want to feel it so badly. More than anything. Which is why I torture myself with love stories in all forms of media - movies, music, books - because it's the most beautiful thing in this world. It's hard for me to contain tears sometimes because it hurts so badly to be alone. I want be loved and to love in return. I want a guy who will take care of me, but who also doesn't mind being cared for. I want a guy who can put a smile on my face even when it feels like my world is falling apart. I want a guy who takes me as I am - for all of my shortcomings & quirks, for all of my sins & failures, and for all of my dorkiness & tween-girl tendencies. It's almost been 22 years on this earth without that soul-mate type of love, and it gets harder each day to watch it taunting me wherever I go.
I think , well actually I know, that this is one area in my life that I pretend I've given over to God...but I really haven't. The only thing that I can say with complete honesty is that I definitely wouldn't want to date anyone but "the one" that God has created to be my perfect match. I will not settle for less. BUT, I'm in a constant battle with the fact that I'm still single. I'm miserable about it, and I'm not gonna lie, it SUCKS having to wait for God's perfect timing. It's beyond frustrating and I'm not okay with just sitting here complacently until love comes along. But I guess I don't have another choice, do I? So here I sit. Resentful. Unhappy. Lonely. Weary. *sigh* Here I go again, blabbing on and on about something I can't control. It just brings tears to my eyes if I think about it too much. I'd better shut myself up now that I've been able to write some of it out.
Blog comments are always appreciated, but perhaps not in this case if they involve any of the following phrases:
- "it's worth waiting for"
- "he's out there somewhere"
- "you'll just know when you find it"
- "just be patient"
- "good things come to those who wait"
....haha, I just remembered that someone told me last week that I seem like the independent type....that's hilarious....
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